It’s tough out there in the dating game. Having a child doesn’t make it any easier.

In a recent discussion, a friend said the subject of kids need not come up with a man that you know you are not going to be serious with.  In my opinion, failing to mention that I have a child is lying. Even if the guy never meets my child, if I fail to mention my child from day one, and someway, somehow, we get serious, how awkward is it going to be when I drop an ”Oh, by the way I have a child” bombshell much later down the road?

I am attractive, educated and gainfully employed. To some men that means nothing because I have a child. Yes, they may never meet my child nor will they have to bear a financial burden because of my child.  However, dating me becomes immediately “taboo” because I am a mother.

There are many stereotypes associated with single mothers that make men shy away, such as:

Having to deal with a ”crazy baby momma or baby daddy.” Situations like this are few and far between. We are adults trying to raise our children. You are just as likely to meet a single woman with no kids and an insanely jealous ex-boyfriend.

They will have to support the children. I know single women with children. Not one of them is sitting around waiting for “prince charming” to come rescue them.

The women will not want to have more children later down the road. It is true that you may meet women who have had a child and have no desire to have more. If having children is important, then honesty is equally as important. This is a topic that should be discussed up front. I’ve met many men and women who have no desire to ever have children. This view may arise whether the woman already has a child or not.

Too much baggage. Who doesn’t have baggage? Some wear it well, others do not. I have a friend who will not date men of a certain astrological sign because of past dating experiences.

Babysitter. You cannot call most single mothers with last minute plans because they need time to find a babysitter. However, a little advance notice never hurt anyone. I may not be able to fly to Vegas for the weekend at the drop of a dime, but, if you tell me the day before I just may be able to line something up. . . and shop for some cute weekend wear in the process.

Initially, I was resentful of men who said that they do not date single mothers thinking of them as shallow or close-minded. I now understand that not dating a single mother can simply be a preference. Some men like their women tall; some like them slim; some only date within their races and others only date women with no children.

To some it is a stereotype but to many others it is simply a preference, nothing more. To those who would not date a single mother because of preferences, I completely understand. I, too, have certain preferences. You can’t help who you are not attracted to.

To those who are afraid because of stereotypes I would say broaden your horizons. Think outside the box. Yes, I am a mother and I love it.  It does not mean, however, that we cannot have a great time together enjoying a walk in the park, some great jazz, the symphony, brunch at a mellow spot, a day at the museum, or a relaxing blockbuster night.