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Society seems to push the idea that women can’t be friends with other women for a plethora of reasons. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard women say they can’t be friends with other women because they are jealous, competitive, think they are better or any number of other well-worn excuses. Maybe it’s because girls are taught once you have a disagreement with a girlfriend you can’t be friends with her anymore. (Boys can fight with their friends and still maintain their friendships). Whatever the reason, finding and maintaining female-female friendships seems to be very tough for women once they reach over 25 unless they cultivated the friendships earlier in life.
Yet, despite the obvious hurdles to female friendship, having close girlfriends is necessary and healthy.
Who else will you share your relationship woes with?? Who will tell you when that outfit isn’t quite right and still spare your feelings?? Who can you laugh with in sheer abandon?? That’s why shows like Sex and the City and Girlfriends were so successful. So where do you make great girlfriends once you pass the college years??
When you are a child making friends is as simple as walking up to another child and saying, “Do you want to play with me?” But, once you get past college and even more so become a part of the 30 and over crowd, making fast friends, especially for women, is a bit trickier.
It’s best to find women who have similar interests as you. Take a class, cooking, dance or maybe a night course at the community college. This will give you the opportunity to meet some like-minded women. If you are a mom it’s even easier. There are plenty of places you can take your children and meet women with similar interests. Sign your children up for marital arts, dance or music classes, for example. Once there chat it up with the other mothers; you may find a really cool one.
Another option is social networking. This is especially great if you are super shy because it will give you the chance to chat with people without the immediate pressure of face-to-face contact. Sign up with a site like Facebook which will allow you to interact with many people, move at your own pace, and create your own circle of friends. I’ve met a ton of great women this way!
Friendships are wonderful at any age. Never stop building them. The time and effort is more than worth it.
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So true Kia – and we have to overcome this onerous attitude.
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It’s not that I don’t like women,it’s just that I’ve been stabbed in the back enough to learn not to trust every woman that claims to have my best interest at heart. Now when a woman claims she’s a friend of mine, I sit back and hope for the best and expect the worst. Not all women are bad, but enough of them are for us to know to keep our guards up.
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I think adult female friends sometimes come out of the woodwork. They’re most unexpected and end up being most valued. It’s hard to explain. Sometimes on the surface you appear to have nothing in common but then you find out that you are soul sisters and thicker than thieves and there is no one else that you want to pour your bloody heartaches out to.
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When you find a new female friend that you connect with it is sheer joy. It feels like you just found a new sister. There are situations were they may disappoint you by what they say or do, but keep in mind that these women are just as human and prone to mistakes as anyone else. I do believe “blood is thicker than water”, but I think our hearts are more open to forgiveness when it comes to our family more so than when it comes to friends. Look closely at the person and their intentions, this will tell you a lot about their capacity to be a good friend.
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I used to have that “I can’t be friends” attitude. Until I took a step back and honestly tried “Making” friends. Through social networking sites and new adventures I’ve found 4 outstanding ladies. It’s like having 4 new sisters. We may not get to see eachother all the time or party every weekend. But when I’m having some trouble or need to share some good news I know all of them are there to lean on. You don’t have to be friends with everyone , but don’t miss out on what could be a great friendship because of someones bad choices in previous friendship.
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Loved this post. I think that I’m going to direct my readers to your site to read this. I agree with everything that you said and the advice at the end was GREAT!