“Single Parent Empty Nest Syndrome”

As if being a single parent isn’t challenging enough, suddenly one day you’re faced with an empty nest.  I think back to the year that my son graduated from high school.  He had been accepted to a Tier 1 liberal arts college and we were so excited.  I felt so proud I could hardly contain myself and then my son turned to me and said, “Mom, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, what are you going to do?”

I don’t think I put much thought into his statement at that moment, but that very statement would come to almost haunt me years later.  I always encouraged my son to follow his heart even if that meant he would be miles away from me.  I never viewed myself as smothering or as my son would say “creepy.”  Months before he was to go off to college I had surges of excitement, thinking of all the things I wanted to explore, places I wanted to go.  There was some anxiety naturally; my life as I’d known it was changing.  My only child was leaving to embark on a life of his on.

Our situation was unique; he wasn’t just my son.  I was 16 when I had him; we’d practically grown up together.  Our bond had many layers.  I had often heard single moms say things like, ”I can’t wait for him/her to leave so I can have a life.” I never felt like that about my son.  I mean, of course I encouraged him and supported his dreams, but I never felt as if I couldn’t wait for him to get out of the house.  I loved the way he enriched my life, after all he had infused so much life into me.

That first year he went off to college I seemed to be okay, taking time to get some of my business in order as I made sense of what I wanted to do.  I’d always wanted to move to a new city, so that’s what I said I would do.  As time passed, however, I found myself reaching for a new life of my own, yet still holding on to the only life I’d known, the one that I had with me and my son.

It started with me not being able to sleep at night, having to take sleep aids.  I became somewhat of a recluse because I didn’t know where I belonged in the world any more.  Yes, I was still a mom, but the day-to-day “mom duties” were no longer.  I would find myself in the grocery store shopping as if he were still there.  My place felt so empty.

I felt so alone because there wasn’t anyone around me who could even understand what I was going through.  On the outside I wore my smile and carefree attitude, but on the inside I felt like my life had been snatched away from me.  These unexplained emotions led to a whirlwind of a journey that made me feel as if I was going backwards instead of forward.

Empty Nest Syndrome is a very real psychological condition.  The emptiness that I felt turned into feelings of depression like I’d lost a job.  It was bitter sweet.  This was supposed to be a happy time, a time of new ventures and excitement.  Yet, at times it felt like my life, the only life that I’d known, the life that brought me so much joy, was over.

I was in my early thirties with so much of my life ahead of me and I had no clue as to how I would proceed and no one to support me emotionally.  Now, some five years later, I’m still a work in progress.  It has definitely been a process, one of learning and growing; one of self exploration.

I do want women out there like me to know that you are not alone.  As I still to this day find myself making sense of it all I encourage you to seek support groups or other single parents who are going through the same thing.  Don’t be afraid to seek psychological counseling if you feel that you’re in a place of despair.  This journey has not been easy.  I am happy to say that my relationship with my son continues to grow.

Now when I think of the day that he said, “Mom, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, what are you going to do?” I’m not at all haunted, but uplifted and truly excited about living.   I know that even though my day-to-day duties as a mom are long behind me, I will always be a mom. And, that nurturing spirit that I possess can also be directed towards me now.

Tags: Motherhood, single mothers

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 12:02 am and is filed under Health & Wellness, Motherhood. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.