Single and Happy
In my early dating days it seemed as though as soon as I exited one relationship I was right back in another. I’m not sure if dating was my hobby, each guy I dated just happened to be my “Mr. Right” at the time, or if I had a fear of being alone.
Now that I am older and wiser, being in a relationship holds a lot more weight. I am not going to date someone just for the sake of having a significant other. With each guy I’ve dated I learned a lot about myself, my dating habits, what I want from a relationship and what I will and will not tolerate.
Knowing what I know now, getting into a meaningful relationship is harder and harder. While on the path to meeting someone who sets my soul on fire I’ve learned to embrace being single. I’ve realized that I can either be single and happy or single and miserable.
There are some who would rather the single people of the world be miserable. I’ve heard lots of times that I’d better hurry up and just pick one before they are all gone. I even had someone tell me that I am doing my daughter a disservice by not having a father in her life. Once when I was at the movies alone a guy told me, “You are too cute to be at the movies by yourself.” Yeah, Yeah, pal!
I won’t let the naysayers rush me into something I don’t really want. I’ve embarked on a quest for happiness after exiting a long term relationship, I’ve learned to put ME first!!! I’ve even set out to do all the things I couldn’t or didn’t want to do when I was in a relationship. I’ve taken several vacations with my girlfriends to make up for all the vacations I missed when I was in love. I even took a couple trips with my guy friends which would have been a big NO NO when I was in a relationship.
I’ve learned to do things alone. I used to hate dining alone; sometimes I would go to a restaurant and order something to go and then turn around and eat it in the restaurant parking lot in my car. Oddly enough, that seemed better than eating alone inside. Now, I will enjoy a good book, my mp3 player or just sit on the restaurant deck and people watch happily by myself.
I started going to the movies alone and it wasn’t bad at all. I got to see only the movies I wanted to see and didn’t have to sit through movies that didn’t interest me just because my significant other wanted to see them.
I love going to the park to people watch, but it isn’t as fun taking a long stroll when you are alone. So, instead I go to the park to jog alongside my daughter while she is on her scooter or have a picnic or BBQ with friends.
Now that I have a lot more time at home alone, I’ve signed up for a movie rental club and added a premium movie channel to my cable package. I used to rarely watch TV; now I love On Demand, who knew!!!
In the end I’ve learned to be my own best friend.
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What a great article. You know odly enough as I’ve gotten older and reflected on my past relationships, I have been able to extract life lessons. You know the saying Hind sight is 20/20. Well, now that I’m 30 and a single mother, I realize it’s not about the comforts of being in a relationship and having a companion. It’s about truly being happy. I stayed in my past relationship for all the wrong reasons, but at the end of 2009, I came to that realization that I’m going to be single and happy. I would devote more time to my family and friends whom I’ve neglected. Since I’ve made that decision, it’s been like a weight lifted off my shoulder, I feel free and happy, so I can completely relate to your article. Great Job!
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I LOVE THIS ANG!!!! You give single women everywhere the courage to just live life to the fullest…even if it is alone…Thanks for writing this!!! Love ya :-)
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I love this article!! The first paragraph was right out of my head. I think every male encounter I have teaches more about me and what I want, what I don’t want, what I can deal with, settle for and what I have to be more selective about. It took a long time but I love hanging out with Marisa…time to myself. I needed this girl!! I’m not alone :)
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Obviously, I am not a mother–single nor otherwise; however, I feel you soo much!! I too have been in committed relationships and the last one really wasn’t pretty =) At the end of the day, I realized so much of me had been put on the side during the course of the relationship in order to appease my mate, that I got lost in the shuffle. Being single again was hard for awhile and I must say, I still get up in the morning a lot earlier now that it is just me, but.. I have re-discovered and learned so many things about me. You are so right when you say you can be single and happy or single and miserable, it IS a conscious choice and I have decided on happy =) Great article!
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Great words of wisdom!
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Great article, I am glad that you are living the good single life. Your Bro.
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Living “La Vida Loca” aka the Single Life is great!! I agree with your assessment and truly believe the only way you can find out who you are as an individual is to have been in past relationships and after reflect on what went right AND wrong. Not only from your point of view, but what the “ex” had to say. No one is perfect and we (Single folks) are always told to hurry up and find that other “person” before its tooooooooooooo late!! (lol..)
Have no fear though, like you and others have posted above knowing yourself and what you will and wont put up with is key. Finding that special person shouldn’t be a needle in a haystack type of deal, but someone who captivates your thoughts, heart and makes you want to show the world “look.. I finally found her (or him in your case). Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but that feeling of love is one that makes one world go round and round. So here’s to your search AND all the single folks out there. As for the daughter comment and having a male in her life, that’s what Uncles, Grandfathers, Brothers, etc can do in the mean time. Life’s not perfect. So go ahead, take your time and find that perfectly imperfect person and don’t worry be happy.
:o)
Bless
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Good article,
I’m single & happy :)
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This is an awesome article and so true in so many levels!!! All those “mr. right for the moment” prepare us for when “mr. the one” comes along. Like you said, at that moment we know what we want from a relationship and what we will and will not tolerate. Life is full of trials and tribulations on the path to “happiness.” I must say that you inspire me to break from my ways and happily go to dinner and/or a movie by myself!
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I hate to be the fly in the oinment, but as someone who has traversed thru both the single and relationship worlds for 2 decades now, I don’t remember having a feeling of “relief” after a relationship ends. It just didn’t work out…oh well…move on with your life.
I just feel that if people find themselves in relationships where they feel suffocated, stifled, and not allowed to be themselves, then they need to get to the root of the prob and evaluate what you look for in a mate. Too many times people seek material characteristics in others, which will inevitably lead to bad relationships.
ANY good, positive relationship should add to your life…NOT take away…even if the “negative” person has the look, $$$, personality, and whatever material things.
I always say the when things go bad, I take some time to evaluate what I could have done better. This includes making improvements of myself so I can better attract the person I feel would be best for me.
Just my 2 cents
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I think you missed the point Mr. or Ms. B, its NOT about being happy TO BE SINGLE, its about REMAINING happy WHILE single.
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Thanks for writing this one Angela.
Even though there are some people who chose to be single, most of us enjoy companionship. But when we are somewhere that we rather not be, we might as well make the best out of it. I love the way you said, “now I love On Demand, who knew!!!” I have spent a good portion of my life single, and during those times I have tried to put my life “On Demand.” I tried to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I tried to make myself a better person; not because I think I did anything wrong in my last relationship, nor am I doing it because I want to attract another person… I am doing it because it makes me happy; I am doing it because it makes me a better person. Beyond spending more time with friends, family, and doing the simple pleasures of live; I also have a tendency of taking classes and/or assuming additional responsibilities at work. I try to be a person who enjoys life: the good and the bad. But like you send in the bad, we enjoy it by focus on the portion of the cup that is still full.