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Seven years ago I was starry-eyed, full of that naïve optimism that youth provides. From the moment I met my now husband, I knew he was “the one;” he swept me off my reluctant feet and never did I look back. So when he (finally) proposed after 6 years, I was off and running planning the perfect wedding. Now with that infamous seven year itch about to scratch, I’ve learned a thing or two about the secrets of married life. And while I had some ideas of my own about having a life long partner, I’ve also asked a few married friends to help out as well. And while some of our experiences are certainly laugh worthy, they have not always been pleasant.
1. You certainly do marry the family. All of them. Every cousin, aunt and uncle. Even the ones you never met and knew nothing of. Beware.
2. He may not now but he certainly will after. Snore that is. I don’t know what happened between our wedding and our honeymoon but somehow he took up the great art of snoring.
3. You have a birthday? We have the same discussion every year and yet, every year, I am disappointed. Why? Because my birthday goes without much fanfare from my husband and as a matter of fact, the year we were married, he all out forgot. I should have taken that as a sign of things to come but somehow in my naïve, I love you forever state, overlooked it. Figure out if you’re married to a “forgetter” or a “celebrator” early on and just be ready.
4. Buck the old saying and go to bed angry. What is talking till 4 am about the same ole problems going to do? Better yet, no one likes sleeping on the couch. Go to bed angry and when you wake up in the morning, you’ll be in a better place to deal with the issues at hand.
5. He has a mind of his own. Annoying as it might be. When you ask him to do something and he doesn’t do it on your time line, it’s not the end of the world. Instead of expecting him to do something right that very moment, ask him to accomplish a task within a set period of time, a day, an hour etc.
6. Pick your battles. There are some things you are just not going to change.
7. Accept who you married. He wasn’t a work in progress when you married him. He was pretty much complete. You might inspire some great moments of change but don’t count on it.
8. They love you no matter what. You might be unhappy with the 10 lbs of I-just-got-married weight and he might not be happy with it either but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
9. ESP did not come with the marriage certificate. If you want him to say or do something, be blatant. Let’s face it men were never the smarter of the species.
10. There are hills and valleys in marriage as there are in life. It’s not always going to be butterflies and rainbows. There will be moments you want to star on the Oxygen series Snapped, where they feature women who kill their husbands. But there will be moments he will ride up on that white horse and the butterflies will reappear. Find the moments and savor them.
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As usual excellent.
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Boy are all these true!!!!!
Excellent article, can’t wait to see more!
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Great Article. Well written and very very true. Good helpful hints. Keep up the good work, I enjoy reading all your articles.
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I agree with most of them and resent the others. But I only resent them because they hit too close to home for me. Well done.
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All so true – especially the snoring! One bit of advice – if you want attention block the TV when you speak to your husband – then you know they’re listening!!
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This is totally true and totally funny! Especially the snoring! lol I used to have to turn my ex hubby over on his side when it got too loud and he’d wake up and go, “huh? what? was I snoring?” uh yeah! lol
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I’m single but found the article interesting.
4. I can’t agree with because her comment on #10 about snapped. I rather be sleep with both eyes closed then faking it with one eye opened. I think the problem that comes with #4 is knowing how to communicate with each other.
5. I’m glad she acknowledge this because as a guy I don’t understand this NEED to make me stop what I’m doing to do something you need done. Plus the bonus of my lady standing there and staring. CLASSIC! Please unfold your arms while your stare is burning a hole in the back of my head. LMAO!
7. That’s my relationship mantra for people. You married a playa, workaholic, lazy, or etc. Why are you mad the wedding didn’t turn them into something different? YOU chose them now enjoy the consequences.
9. COSIGN, til this day I still have discussion with women who think we are supposed take a hint. As much as we love sex sometimes we missed those hints, that right there should tell ladies that we need to be blatantly told things. Like I said earlier, knowing how communicate is key.
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Well said.. look forward to reading more!
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Wow! I can relate to pretty much most of it! We were married the day after my bday so now I get the “oh here is your bday-anniversary gift!” I hate that! Can’t wait to read more!!
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I’ve been married to my best friend for almost 17 years. I agree with every thing that was written. All are true. A marriage is something that needs work. You can’t just say: “I Do” and then quit trying. You say: “I Do” and then you work on learning how to live with each others quirks—the good and the bad. Communication is the most important thing…because without communication your marriage will not work. Neither men nor women are mind readers and just because you’ve said something a ‘gazillion’ times that does not mean that you were heard a gazillion times.
This should give every one a moment to stop and think about their relationship whether they’ve been married for 50+ years or they just agreed to date someone exclusively.
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Very nicely written!! Look forward to more from this writer.
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THANK YOU. YOU BRING OUT A LOT OF THINGS THAT ARE SO OBVIOUS BUT WE JUST DONT THINK ABOUT. I GUESS WE TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. THANX FOR BRINGING THIS TO THE FOREFRONT OF OUR THICK HEADS.
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This is a great article. Have you thought about sending it to Woman’s world? I sent an articel to them, in fact several, and finally they published one. Try for it. Keep up the good work and God bless you. I look forward to hearing more from you.
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Excellent and so true.
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Loved it – I guess we are not alone! Wait till you’ve been married over 20 – then the article will fill a book. Very entertaining article!
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7 and 9 are particularly true I’ve found!!! Really enjoyed that.
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As a married woman of 26 years, I’d like to add: Shut the hell up!
When one of you is mad, sometimes both of you NOT talking stops the escalation of a fight into a “kitchen sink” battle, where you throw in things from 20 years ago.
Not only is it OK to go to bed mad, it’s ok not to talk for 2-3 days if that’s what it takes to get back to the single issue one is mad about.
Some of my favorite words are: “I’m tired of being mad.” THEN we can get to what the issue was, which usually has simmered down to merely annoying, rather than life-shattering.