Getting older crystallizes lessons of life-death
For me, aging is not so much laugh lines, grey hairs or gaining weight but rather facing the lessons of life and death. When you lose a parent at a young age, your view of life is forever altered. Your innocence is lost in a way that it can never return. You truly realize how fragile life is and getting older is a constant reminder of that.
My mom died of breast cancer at the age of forty-one. I was sixteen. I am now thirty-six; she has been gone longer than she was in my life and I am five years away from the age that she died.
My friend put it best. When she reached the age her mom was when she died, she couldn’t imagine facing a terminal illness so young, especially with two kids. She related to her mom in a whole new way. I can empathize as I face that milestone myself in the next five years.
I don’t have a lot of independent memories of her my mom’s final months. My family didn’t share a lot of details, I suppose to protect us kids from the reality of what was happening. As I have gotten older and with a child of my own I wonder what emotions she confronted as her health worsened. Did she ever realize how sick she was? Did she face the fact that she was dying or was she in denial?
As I watch my son grow every day, I understand how important staying healthy truly is. I want to be around for him as long as possible. I also know that it is a fine line between being a hypochondriac and watching my health closely. I can’t let my mom’s death at a young age turn into a fear of my own health and mortality. I have to let her legacy be a lesson and not a crutch.
As I face each passing year, I welcome the signs of growing older and the knowledge that has come along with them. I wouldn’t change my life path one step, for it has led me to be the person I am today. I embrace each birthday with a wish for a long and healthy life – wrinkles, grey hairs and all!
