I stare longingly at the sweet, shiny, glazed doughnut as it beckons me to eat it.  Well, today it’s the doughnut calling to me, but tomorrow it could be the doughnut’s partner in crime, the cinnamon roll.

Even if the offending pastries aren’t actually in front of me, they can still be just as vivid and tempting in my mind.  After all, don’t I have a car in the driveway?  Can’t I just hop into it and drive to the nearest doughnut store and order anything I want…quick…convenient…FATTENING!!!  Then there is the distinct possibility that I could pass that fast food place on my frenzied way to the doughnut shop; will I be able to resist all that lush, fatty goodness just waiting for me inside?

These images of delicious food always haunt me to a certain extent because I love food, but when I am on a diet, they reach mega proportions in my mind, tempting me to go on a food frenzy through every major fast food place I can find within a five mile radius.

On the other hand, I can always go to the grocery store and buy lots of brownie mix to make and devour at home.  Of course, while I am baking them, I will attempt to convince myself that I will eat only one brownie.  Okay, okay, only two!  Well, definitely NOT more than three brownies, I swear!  I then continue to justify going to the store expressly to buy brownie mix by telling myself that I will take the remaining brownies that are left after my husband and kids have their share and march self- righteously to the neighbor’s house.  I will ring my neighbor’s doorbell and give them the offending brownies while smiling innocently with bits of brownie stuck in my teeth and declare that I made the brownies specifically for them.

This scene has yet to happen, however.  My neighbors have no idea how many imaginary brownies and cookies they have missed out on.  What really happens instead is that I buy two brownie mixes in the middle of the day when no one else is home, bake them, eat at least half the pan, then move the other half to a smaller pan so my husband and kids are none the wiser when they come home.  Then, any leftover brownies that my kids and husband haven’t eaten will be consumed in secret by me either late at night when everyone is in bed or early in the morning before anyone gets up.

Oh the shame!  Mind you, this could all happen almost the same way if my diet breakdown happened with fast food.  The only difference is that fast food wrappers are much easier to dispose of, therefore the secret is much easier to keep.

The funny thing is that I don’t go this overboard with food when I am NOT on a diet.  No, I only eat these excessive amounts when they are strictly forbidden.  When I am on a diet, I go days and days eating healthy and then, bam!  I break down and eat as much food as my poor stomach can handle.

So, I have decided to approach my diet differently from now on.  I am going to allow for slower weight loss and a little bit more food.  Yes, I will eat my usual low fat diet with lots of veggies and fruit, but if I want a brownie, I may have ONE brownie on occasion.  No more forbidden food for me.  I am sure donuts will still tantalizingly call my name and greasy, fast food restaurants will still grip me in their passionate, yet fattening embrace, but instead of forbidding them, I will just eat them less often and in smaller portions.

This feels right to me and no diet has ever felt “right” to me before.  So, maybe we can all find that happy medium that we can live with.  It will probably be different for everyone but for me personally, I believe that if I don’t forbid anything, I won’t lose control.  I will be good most of the time and bad occasionally.  I can live with that.