My husband is fantastic in a lot of ways, but in our five years of marriage I have had to learn that he shows his love differently from the way I do.  For instance, I love receiving compliments; it’s what makes me feel loved.  When my husband buys me gifts, or does thoughtful things for me it’s great and I do appreciate it a lot.  However, if he just told me I was pretty occasionally, that would trump everything else.

My husband is not that great at giving compliments.  When we were first married this really bothered me and I admit it still does sometimes, even though he tries and has gotten a bit better.  He can sometimes be oblivious to my appearance and doesn’t always notice whether I am dressed up or look like a bum.  I used to think to myself, “Why am I even bothering?  I should just wear sweats the rest of my life since it doesn’t seem to affect him either way!”  After a while though, I realized that my husband just loves me for me.  Grungy or dressed up he thinks I am beautiful no matter what package I am presented in.

There have been days when I have looked in the mirror and cringed because there is a raccoon looking back at me.  Mascara is smeared all over my face and my eyebrows haven’t been plucked in what looks like centuries.  I always ask my husband why he didn’t tell me I had makeup all over my face.  He always just shrugs and says he didn’t even notice.

This used to make me fume!  He didn’t even notice?  Does that mean he doesn’t even notice ME?  I mean, come on, you can’t miss the black mascara tracks zigzagging across my face or my furry caterpillar eyebrows!  Slowly, however, I began to realize that he didn’t notice because he loves me regardless of what I look like on any given day.  My husband is just as affectionate to me no matter what I am wearing and no matter what my makeup or scary eyebrows look like.

So, while I still wish he would say I look beautiful when I dress up (without me having to nudge him into it of course) I love the fact that my husband accepts me for me, flaws and all.  He is caring and thoughtful and is always doing sweet things for me.  In a lot of ways I am truly lucky.  So, I have had to adjust my priorities.  Do I want to be told I look pretty all the time or do I want to be able to rely on my husband to always be there for me?  Okay, okay, of course I want BOTH!  What woman wouldn’t? But I am learning to be grateful for what he does for me.

I think we all have our “thing” that makes us feel loved.  For some, it may be receiving compliments and for others it might be receiving gifts or having someone do thoughtful things for them.  I think the important thing is to realize that your partner may show their love in a different way and to try learn to appreciate that.

Of course, accepting and appreciating my husband for who he is and the way he loves me doesn’t mean he is totally off the hook about complimenting me.  I still love and want compliments, furry eyebrows or not…