When you have a teenager there will always be the inevitable event of the first boyfriend or girlfriend.  Very quickly this can go from them liking one another to being “in love.”  As a parent this can be a stressful and confusing time.  Not only do you have to face the fact that your baby is growing up, but you have to cope with the ups and downs that will come with their attempt at a relationship.

Calm down.  This doesn’t have to throw you into a panic.  You just have to step back, remember what it was like to be a teenager trapped in your own romantic throes and do your best to keep your cool.

A Personal Perspective

When I was 15-years-old I fell in love with an older boy who made me feel like our relationship was the only important thing in the world.   A year later we were married. Two years after that we had our first child.  We have now been together for eight years; we have two daughters and are well pass the idle fantasies of teen romance.

Is this an average experience?  Absolutely not.  Would I have gone through with such a daring approach to adult life as a child if I had some of the experience and foresight I have now?  Probably not.  While I love my family and I love the life I chose, I cannot pretend that the hardships to get here have not been extreme.   I could have never understood what I was in for when I said my vows at the tender age of 16, when I believed that all I needed was love.

This is the problem with teen romance.  For a teenage boy or girl, the act of falling for someone is an end unto itself.  They see a future because they have no concept of what that future will mean.  When your total life experience amounts to school, your parents’ home and a paper route, the entire world is an unknown.  To put another person in it is easy, because it is all a fantasy to begin with.

You, as a parent, will already know this and understand the pains and struggles that come with an adult life.  Because love is such an adult concept, it might make you skeptical about the depth of your child’s feelings.  But, believe it or not, their “love” is possibly the real thing.  The trick is showing them that the feeling you experience for one person doesn’t have to be the end of everything else.

Be Understanding

Your child is looking at this new love interest as the person they will spend the rest of their life with, because they can’t see a realistic future.  You know this, but that doesn’t mean you have to tell them so.  Suggesting that this is anything less than true love is likely to lead to them deciding you just don’t ‘get it’ and will make them upset.  It won’t cause them to step back and look at the issue in a mature manner.

Try to keep in mind how much this person means to them and remember that the emotions they are experiencing are both strong and new.  Think back to your time as a teenager with your first love and how the world seemed to revolve around them.  Your teen is now feeling the same way.  Try to support them without pushing the issue.

Be Communicative

We would all like to think that there is nothing going on but holding hands and writing each other notes in class.  But, with these new relationships come certain pressures, questions and issues.  I think we all know what it is I mean.  The more your teen feels for the person they are with, the more pressing the issue of sex will become.

How you handle this will depend on your own beliefs and priorities.  However, everyone should try to keep the lines of communication open and never threaten their teen on the issue.  Making your child feel they can’t come to you for advice, information, or just to open up means they will clam up and you will be the last to know if they are considering taking that step.

Communication and understanding go hand-in-hand.  Try to approach it rationally, calmly and with an open mind.

Set Boundaries

Sit down together as parents and discuss what will be acceptable behavior between your teen and their new boyfriend or girlfriend.  Set limits on things like where they can go for dates, what they can do, how often they can see each other and when and where they can be alone.

Then, sit down with your teen (and maybe even the other party involved) and discuss your concerns and the new limits that would make you feel more comfortable. Taking an active – but not too personal – role is a great way to keep an eye on the budding relationship between the two.

Meet the Parents

If things are getting serious, you should keep in mind that there is another family to consider.  Meeting them will give you a better idea of who this boy or girl is, how they were raised and what they might be doing.  It is also a way to get support on the decisions that will affect both children.  The worst thing that could happen is having both sides on different pages, which could lead to misunderstandings in the future.

If your child is concerned about this, you should explain that you are being supportive and think it is important to get to know more about their boyfriend or girlfriend and their family.

Be Ready for Heartbreak

As we all know, most teenage relationships eventually end.  When that happens, your teen will probably go to friends for comfort, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be there.  This will be a difficult time for them and you should be ready to offer help no matter what it is they need.  You should also be ready to let them know that this is a part of life and that things will be OK once they have time to heal.

Teens In Love

Teenagers fall in and out of love and sometimes with more genuine feeling than others.  Whatever the situation, as a parent it is your job to be there without being judgmental or overly-critical.  You might know that this is unlikely to last, but they don’t.

Besides, there are a few of us out there who have proven the odds wrong.