You are a single parent and your children are getting older.  Not only are they getting older but also are experiencing more challenges in their social identities.  One question that a single parent often wonders is whether or not their children view them as a failure.

You may wonder how you can help enhance their social interactions without invoking your own personal failures.  You need a way to reach them without them totally shutting down every thought, idea, and piece of advice that you may want to share.  I have listed some tips that may make communicating with your teens much easier.

• Listen to your children. One sure way of reaching your children is to let them know that they have a voice and you are willing to hear it.  One of the most frustrating things a parent can do is not listen to their children because if you don’t listen, trust me they will find someone who does and it may not always be to your liking.  So save both yourself and your children the frustration, listen.  Listen twice as much as you speak.  That is all.

• Don’t offer advice. Hear me out.  Never offer advice because the only ones who will take it are the very people who will seek it.   To all others, it’s merely criticism.  How many people like to be criticized?  I don’t know about you but when others criticize me, it makes me clam up.  So save your breath, don’t criticize!  This will only push your children further and further away from you.  If you are listening to your children, you develop a relationship with them.  Trust me they will come to you when they want some advice.

• Integrity. Integrity and honesty are one and the same.  When your children answer the phone and someone you do not want to speak with is on the other end do you tell them to say you’re not home?  Having integrity means that even though you may not want to speak with that person, they see you politely take the phone and handle the situation in an honest way.  As hard as we try to tell them to ‘do as I say not as I do’ they will do what they see us doing.  When your children see that you have integrity, this will reinforce their trust in you and there is nothing you won’t be able to talk to them about.

Your children are the future.   You cannot change your past.  You can control your future.  Proceed with caution, but by all means, please proceed.