The holidays are supposed to be a joyous time with friends and family, but when a loved one passes away it can take away the joy. You may find it hard to be in a festive mood and maybe would just rather skip the holidays altogether.

This rang true for me five years ago after the loss of our precious son.  He was born full-term and lived only a few short minutes.  I remember feeling that a piece of me was missing since we were so very excited to give our only daughter at the time a sibling.

Only three months after our loss, I remember not wanting to celebrate Christmas and hated the idea of putting up a tree.  I remember going completely numb when Christmas did roll around because shortly after losing our son I lost a precious grandfather.  Talk about a sock in the stomach.

As hard as it was, because we did have one child at the time, we pushed ourselves to put up the Christmas tree just for her.  It wouldn’t have been fair to her to take that joy away, though she was only two at the time.  Good thing we did because now being seven she brought up that very year.

To help us get through our loss we bought a Christmas ornament in memory of our son to hang on the tree.  He was still so much a part of us no matter how short his life was here on earth.  Our family also purchased a beautiful Christmas wreath to place on his grave marker.  This helps us every year since we still face waves of sadness.

We miss our son terribly.  We don’t see a baby boy anymore, we see a precious five year old boy who we can’t buy Christmas presents for this year.  It’s tough.  My  husband and I also buy a Christmas candle that we burn on Christmas Eve in memory of him and my grandfather, and now my other grandparents who recently passed away.  The candle is in memory of all of them too.

Every year, I find myself trying to find new and creative ways to honor the memory of our son.  When our three girls get older and can understand, we plan to make them a part of his memory though they never got to meet him.  But reality is, they still have a brother whom we will miss very much.

Another way to deal with a loss is letting out those emotions quickly and not bottling them up.  The only way you can truly grieve or mourn is to identify those emotions and let them out when you can.  My waves of emotions always start the last week of November and last a few days before Christmas day and then I am fine.  It is different for everyone.  My heart goes out to you at this time if you are missing someone very special to you this Holiday season.

How have you dealt with the Holidays after a loss?  Please share your heart with us.  This is definitely a hard time of year for anyone who has lost a loved one.

In loving memory of Brandon Michael Clair 08.03.05