Not all styles and trends are for all ages.  The key to dressing appropriately at any age is to know your body type and the occasion you are dressing for.  Being honest about your body, be it large, small, perky or in need of a little lift, is essential.  Feel free to accentuate your timelessly gorgeous, even Rubenesque, assets but do not at the same time try to look like you are trying to fit an image that is more suited to a younger woman.

Take the  mini skirt.  If you are wearing it with thigh high boots to pull off an ultra hip club look but first you need to drive your teenage daughter to her summer job, this may not be the best look for you.  However, if you are lucky enough to have never ending sleek legs, you can pair that mini with classic or embellished heels and actually be envied by those young “chicks” for your sense of style.  Taking just a piece or two from the newest, youth attracting trends and adding classic and sophisticated accessories is the key to successfully pulling off a younger and more stylish look.

Also, one sure-fire way to never find yourself in the position of asking if what you are wearing is too young  is to  have a real sense of personal style.  Just mimicking trends and throwing on pieces that you see draped across the size zero, fifteen year old bodies, in high fashion magazines will not work for you.  Find your style.  Take the time to find what truly works for you and makes you look your best at home, work and play.

When you are dressing with your own unique personal style in mind, you will feel comfortable and at  your best.  This isn’t to say you have to cover yourself from head to toe.   Look at your contemporaries.  Take note of how other women your age whom you respect and admire are dressing.  Look long and hard in the mirror.  Ask someone you trust for their opinion.  Remember the goal is not to look a certain age but to look vibrant and beautiful at any age.

Our beauty does not fade.  It evolves.  As what makes us individually beautiful does change and evolve, it too can grow and become more apparent.  With this in mind, forget virtually everything you have ever heard or have seen about aging and realize that it is possible to grow more beautiful with age.

One thing that surely can make any one of us more beautiful with age is the fact that our sense of self finally comes to the forefront.  We no longer flounder or stumble trying to find a sense of style or project a preconceived idea of beauty that simply isn’t true to who we are.   With age comes the confidence needed to simply be who we really are in any given situation and circumstance.

We learn to truly see which physical traits we naturally possess are infinitely beautiful and timeless regardless of the number of candles on a cake.  Feeling comfortable in your own skin is beautiful and shows even when you are unaware of it.  Find what it is that makes you unique, be it eyes, body type, a crooked smile, or a contagious laugh and play it up.  Flaunt it.   Project it out into the world.

When you walk into a room with confidence, knowing exactly who you are, you automatically stand taller, smile more, and send out a vibe that makes your beauty more enhanced than any lipstick could do.

Also, as you grow older don’t just focus on those individual features which make heads turn but take care of your whole self.  Nothing is sexier or more alluring at any age than being totally and completely healthy.  Part of that youthful glow you long for stems from what you put into your body.  Knowing as you get older you are taking better care of yourself than you may have bothered to in your youth will project strength and a sense of power.  This isn’t to say you shouldn’t use those miracle creams and add concealer under your eyes, but also remember those little efforts need to be part of a larger picture when it comes to being beautiful at any age.

A major part of growing up and therefore growing more beautiful means outgrowing all of those misconceptions about youth and beauty. When you are young in age, you spend so much time and energy craving all of the attention in the room, many times for all the wrong reasons.  However, when you are confident, mature and growing more beautiful with age, you will command that same attention without effort or care.  And, you will deserve it.

The idea is to age “gracefully,” whatever that means.  We are all supposed to age gracefully, accept the wrinkles, put on a happy face and just remember that it happens to everyone.  Yes, age gracefully.  But, that’s easier said than done.  It is especially hard on the egos of those of us who feel like the young woman we once were – that is until we glance in the mirror and see the senior that we’ve become.

I’m 64 years old and believe me I’m trying to age “gracefully.”  I’m trying to accept the fact that even though I feel young – I’ve gotten old.  I mean when a salesman doesn’t question your age when you ask if they have a senior citizen’s discount, you know you’ve aged!

“Now, now, don’t even go there,” I tell myself.  I smile and continue to write, looking for the words to pass on about “aging”.  Then suddenly it dawns on me, “Oh, there’s so much more to be said,” I whisper out loud.  After all aging isn’t about the human body; we all know what happens to our physical bodies as we grow old.   No, aging is about the spirit.

Aging is about the wisdom that comes with those years.  Aging is about memories – both happy and sad.  Aging is about the relationships – the love that we hold within our hearts that grows and grows, and grows… “Yes, there’s so much more to be said about aging,” I whisper to myself.

You see, it is almost as if our spirits are given the gift of wisdom to replace the physical attributes that we had in our youth.  Our spirit is who we are and our life experiences both good and bad help our spirit to grow.  Our sons and daughters look to us for wisdom.  It gives us great pleasure to now have the patience and the wisdom to help them through the happy and sad times that life brings – to share our wisdom. “Yes, wisdom is certainly an attribute of aging that should never be overlooked,” I say out loud.  I smile, knowing that with age comes wisdom.  I mean how wonderful is that?

Oh, the memories, a lifetime of memories.  Memories are such a large part of aging.  Memories become even more important as you age.  You see sometimes memories are all that you have left of your parents or in my case the love of my life my darling husband.  It is the memories that enable you to keep on going.  It is the memories that brighten a lonely day.  It is the memories of a lifetime that keep you connected to those you love… “Yes, memories are certainly an attribute of aging that should never be overlooked,” I say lovingly as I think of all of the people that have walked in and out of my life.

But, if I were asked to write about the most important thing in my life, I would want to write about love.  When you reach the age of wisdom, love is really the only thing that is important.  It’s not about the home you live in, the car that you drive, the clothes that you have, or your career.  It isn’t whether you have grey hair or wrinkles. No, when you reach the age of wisdom it is about, “love”.  It is about the love that a husband and a wife share as they journey together.  It is about the love that you received from your parents and grandparents.  It is about the love you have for your children and grandchildren and the love of family and friends. It is also about the love and compassion that you feel for those you don’t even know.  It is about the love that you have given and the love that you can give. “Yes, love given and love received are certainly an attribute of aging that should never be overlooked,” I say to myself fighting to keep back the tears as I write.

So, you see, there’s so much more to be said on aging when you look at it in a different light; when you go beyond the physical.  “Yes, so many beautiful attributes of aging that should never be overlooked,” I smile and feel deep within my heart that maybe just maybe I’ve passed on a little of that wisdom to you…

Flush with hope and naivety, I began enthusiastically slathering lavish amounts of various wrinkle creams around my eyes and forehead.  When that didn’t seem to work, I spread on even more cream until every night my eyes became greasy pools of desperation.  Needless to say that after a year of trying countless wrinkle creams on the market with little results, I moved on.  I am sure there are some wrinkle creams out there that do what they claim; I just never stumbled upon them. At that point, my naivety was shot and buried and cynicism had burrowed successfully into its place.

Since then, I have discovered on my own that there are some simple ways to prevent and minimize wrinkles.  Of course, this information would have been even more helpful ten years ago, but, live and learn…

Avoid the sun.  This is quite simple, avoid the sun and slather on sunscreen so that you won’t be slathering on wrinkle cream later in life

Sleep well.  Sleep is like its own secret pill in so many ways.  It keeps your body and mind healthy.  Without a good night’s sleep, your body becomes stressed and stress can pre-age your skin.

Exercise.  Exercise keeps the mind and body healthy which, in turn, will help keep your skin healthy and glowing.

Drink water.  Drink lots and lots of water!  Hydration is excellent for skin.  Water can actually help restore elasticity to your skin, which results in healthier looking skin with fewer wrinkles.

Eat healthy.  Yes, we all knew this one was coming.  Anything that will keep your body healthy will help keep your skin healthy, so eat plenty of fruits and vegetables and try to minimize starches and fats.

Take grape seed extract.  Grape seed extract is a proven anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory, both great for the skin.  Grape seed extract can also help maintain beautiful skin because of its anti-elastase activity.  This makes skin look more supple and pliant.

I do all of these things and they help my skin enormously, but will that stop my quest for the perfect wrinkle cream?  Well, I can’t promise that.  After all, there are so many carrots being dangled out there in commercials promising me younger looking skin.  Who am I to say they might not catch me in a weak moment while I am staring wistfully at the television, feeling depressed and shoveling large quantities of cookies down my throat?

I will try to resist though. I will try to avoid Botox and plastic surgery and all the new wrinkle creams that pop up on the market.  I will resist these until I can resist no longer.  I will always make sure to watch my diet, exercise, drink water, avoid the sun, sleep well and take my grape seed extract.  But, as far as wrinkle creams go, maybe I should just give up the fight and accept myself and all the wrinkles that now accompany me.

Perhaps my husband is right and there is such a thing as beautiful wrinkles after all…

RESOURCES
http://www.supplementfacts.com/BioflavonoidBookS4.htm
http://www.essortment.com/lifestyle/waysslowdownw_smmy.htm

Christina Samycia, PsyD, of the Institute for Inspirational Living, has felt my pain both personally and professionally.  Her approach blends psychotherapy, life coaching and holistic health care services.  “Feeling comfortable in your body is not only an issue we face in the summer, but for some a yearlong, if not lifelong struggle.  I not only have professional experience with body image issues, but personal experience as well,” she said.

“When I work with clients who have body image issues, it is important to get to the root of what they are thinking and feeling, because it is important to uncover the underlying irrational beliefs about our bodies.”   Samycia found confidence by learning to break free from her body anxieties – a lesson I can take to heart.  “I had made a significant step in letting go of my anxiety regarding my body when I discovered that trying to attain perfection was not only impossible, but also very time-consuming.  I had come to realize that by not accepting my body as it is, I truly was not living because I was wasting precious time being unhappy and preoccupied with calories and exercise,” she said.

“Instead of enjoying life, I was miserable because I was trapped by my idea of what I should be.  I realized that to truly be free, I had to stop worrying about my body.”     At 38, she says “I have never been more comfortable in my body.  I made a shift.  I decided to practice what I call ‘radical acceptance,’ which can be used in a myriad of different experiences.  I decided to love my body and accept it exactly how it is and live in the moment.”

Ready to reveal

Armed with new-found body confidence, now what do I wear to the beach?   Susan E. Ostrov, a Chicago-based personal shopper and style consultant, says summer trends include ruffles, cut-out swimsuits, suits with hardware and “blue is a very ‘in’ color.”

“Not showing as much skin is very in right now, suits that offer a bit more coverage but are still sexy and beautiful,” she said.  (My fragile body attitude definitely welcomes that trend).  Ostrov also offered her picks beyond suits: crocheted dresses, relaxed pants, clogs, fringe, big necklaces,“but not bib necklaces; they seem to be passé for now” and neutral tones.

And don’t forget the importance of a good base layer.  “Good bras are a must!  For summer T’s and tanks, it is crucial to be properly fitted for a bra and to watch that you wear bras that are smooth under more revealing and clingy clothing.  With bathing suits this is true as well.  Choose suits with wire support for the best looks and be careful of over-exposing – it isn’t sexy.  It is very important that whatever suit one wears, the bust is well-supported.”

With the higher temps and daunting days of more skin showing, really comfort is the key.  “My advice for those who want to be comfortable in their summer clothing: wear what suits your figure best and don’t feel you have to wear exactly what’s trendy,” Ostrov said.

“Dresses are fabulous because they can be worn to show what’s great about a figure and can cover where it’s needed by choosing a good length for one’s legs, type of sleeve … and dresses are cool and easy – lightweight – and there are tons of dresses in every store, at every price range.”

Now, it’s time to face summer with a sunnier disposition.  “This summer, we need to live in the moment, embrace our bodies exactly how they are and be grateful that the sun is shining!” Samycia said.

For more information on clothing trends, check out Ostrov’s site at www.chicagofashionconsultant.com .
To live a more inspired life, visit Samycia’s site at www.inspirationalliving.org or her blog at http://www.lifelessonsihavelearnedalongtheway.blogspot.com/

I’ve struggled and struggled to find the right hair treatment that would allow me to let it air dry (thus allowing me a wider array of easy styling options) while still channeling the cool and sophisticated mom I’m always trying to pull off.  Last fall I read an article in a parenting magazine that suggested simple products for different hair types for busy moms.  I went out on a limb and tried the product recommended for my hair…and am I ever glad that I did.

Made by Bumble and Bumble, “Brilliantine is unique and hard to define.  It gives hair a polish and a sort of languid, slept-in, sexy look.”  That’s what it says on the little bronze bottle.  Now, I still occasionally use a light styling pomade or body-inducing hair spray just to tame the frizz if I choose to blow it dry.  However, it’s really not necessary if you just let it air dry.

The greatest feature is that it’s a cream, so it really doesn’t gunk up your hair or make it feel sticky.  The hardest thing to figure out is how much to use for your hair.  My advice is to just use it for a couple of days when you plan to be around the house so you can see if you need to use more or less.  The bottle suggests that you ‘use very sparingly’ but my hair is so thick I ended up trying a little more and found that it works better for me.  What a relief to finally find a product for those of us who can’t identify with ‘curly hair’ or ’straight hair’ but definitely know a little something about ‘fussy hair’!

It all started over twenty-five years ago, with her mother creating her own scents from various products. Today, Cassandra, also known as The Mixtress, has taken over the reigns and is on the verge of building her own empire. Rosalyn Scent was born out of tribute to Cassandra’s mother, to carry out her dream of being a business woman. She has fulfilled that dream…and more.

The Mixtress, as her loyal customers call her, makes a variety of scents and products.  I am head over heels in love with her soy based body wash and body lotion. While these products can be created with any scent listed on her page, I chose to go with the “au naturale.” I’ve been using the soy based body wash for a week now and I can already tell a difference in the smoothness and texture of my skin.  It washes away impurities without the sticky feeling that some body washes and soaps leave behind and rinses off clean.  Add an aromatic scent such as Butterfly Orchid or Pomegranate & Sweet Orange and you are sure to get your day started off on a good foot!

The body lotion is just as wonderful.  It’s very absorbent and requires virtually no repeat applications.  It has even done wonders for my hands which I constantly wash due to working in the healthcare field (we practically live at the sink!).  Even with constant exposure to antimicrobial soap, my hands feel soft and supple at the end of the day.

Rosalyn Scent isn’t just for Fly Mommies either!  There’s a line of products dedicated to Fly Daddies and Fly Kiddies alike.  No one is left out when it comes to her creations.  Whatever your preference…oils, perfumes, body butters, lotions, body spray-even customized scents-The Mixtress has a product suitable for you.  For more information, you can visit her site at www.rosalynsbathandbody.com. 

As a beauty product junkie (I’m sure I’m not alone out there) I love finding great inexpensive (cheap) stuff that works! Here are four products under four bucks that I have tried personally and decided they are worth sharing with the world.

Carmex Original Formula Lip Balm – An old school favorite.  I love keeping my lips soft and the original Carmex has never let me down. I use it at night before I go to bed and my lips stay chapped-free all day!

Pros – Moisturizing feels really nice.

Cons – Might be addictive for lip balm addicts.

Garnier Fructis Leave-in Conditioning Cream - Do you have curly hair?  This conditioner is ESSENTIAL.  I have tried it all from the cheapest to the most expensive.   This leave-in conditioning cream is great!

Pros – Smells nice, smooths frizz.

Cons – If you have long hair you may go through it quickly.

Johnson’s No More Tangles Shampoo & Conditioner for Curly Hair - I bought the first bottle of this for my daughter’s hair.  It worked so well on her hair well… I tried it on my own.  Loved it!

Pros – Really helps detangle hair.  Doesn’t dry out hair.

Cons – Honestly haven’t found one yet!

Up & Up Apricot Blemish Scrub - I was a fan of the St. Ives Apricot Scrub but while at Target on a whim I decided, after reading the ingredients, to give the generic brand a try.  Well, I was pleasantly surprised at the results.

Pros – Deeply cleanses skin, exfoliates and leaves skin feeling refreshed.

Cons – Scent isn’t too nice…

Correction.

Girlfriend.

Single.  Not plural.

I have never been a group girl, a member of a posse.  I don’t know why.  It wasn’t by design.  In fact, I’m rather solitary by nature and don’t hobnob that much at all, which I suppose could be some kind of innate recluse issue that was genetically passed on to me, along with the god-awful frowsy hair and propensity to drink a lot of beer and spew four letter words with abandon.

I am fascinated by women who run in groups and also a little bit … horrified as in … why would you WANT to do THAT?  I don’t get it but that’s my concern.

“The TEN of us went shopping.” “The EIGHT of us spent a week on the beach in Florida.”  “The FIVE of us got drunker than loons in Vegas.”

Really?  Hmmm.

Let me think on that.

I am not criticizing.  I realize that I am the oddball here, the crazy old aunt or neighbor who sits in her house and weaves and writes and paints and plants things, talks to dogs and 11-month-old babies and takes too many naps.  I don’t have a crew, an assemblage.  If it weren’t for my husband and my dogs I could probably be dead for a fortnight before anyone would notice.  Okay, that’s a stretch but …

… I’m coming from the perspective that spending five days with five women anywhere would be akin to … well, not something pleasant for me.  And, that’s my ‘bad’ as the kids would say.  It is no reflection on the other five.

I have a life-long friend, who is in the thick of a group of country club women.  The golf set.  I hate golf.  She is the cutest thing going and always has been.  At a party, she showed up in the most god-awful ensemble.  I couldn’t stop staring.  She looked like some middle-aged something or other who was decked out to play golf on a Scottish golf course.  She wore knee length plaid shorts that even Shakira could not have successfully pulled off.   Now, keep in mind, she has an excellent body… for a 57 year old woman.

The person I was sitting with, a man, in fact, said, “What in the hell is she wearing?”

She later came over to our table and he asked, point blank.  She said that her ‘friends,’ that would be the country club set, told her that she needed to wear “more appropriate” clothing.  I threw my head back in gales of laughter.  Sabotaged by ones “best” friends.  The guy said, “Good, God, put on your regular clothes.  You look awful.”  And she did.  Awful and ridiculous.

I thought, how revolting and typical that a group of green-eyed 50-something women would tell the one cute one in the bunch, who could still wear revealing shorts and turn some heads, that she was dressing inappropriately.

And, worse yet, she did as they instructed and ended up looking like … well, if I knew the name of some 65-year-old dorky male golfer I would use it!

My friend, my soul mate, is as reclusive, eccentric and kooky as I am.  We’re not Rat Packers or members of any other pack.  That suits us just fine, oddballs that we are.  Some would say that inappropriate is our middle name.  I like her bizarre clothing and she likes mine.

I will leave the herd, the posse, the group, to someone else.

Face Steaming: This invigorating treatment helps to open your pores for a more deep clean feeling.  All you need is a pot of hot water, a towel, and 5-10 minutes to spare. Bring the pot of water to a steam (doesn’t necessarily have to boil). While the water is heating, wash your face as you normally would and gently pat dry. Place the steaming pot on a table or solid surface that can’t be moved or tipped.  Drape the towel over your head and hover over the steam.  Allow the steam to open your pores. You don’t want to be so close that the steam burns you, but you want to feel it against your skin.  Do this for 5-10 minutes.  Follow up with a gentle exfoliate (see body scrub), rinse and pat dry. Your face will feel clean, refreshed and recharged.  To add to the effect, add a few drops of rosemary oil or lemon oil.  These oils are also good for the skin so it becomes a one, two punch.

Teeth Whitening: While I have nothing against over-the-counter teeth whiteners, I know it doesn’t take $5 to $50 to get your pearly whites even whiter. All you need to brighten your smile is baking soda. For less than a dollar a box, you can whiten your smile without harsh chemicals or abrasives. Brush your teeth as you normally would. Rinse and follow up with the baking soda. Brush with the baking soda for one minute and let it sit for one minute. Rinse again then follow up with mouthwash if you choose. You should see results within a week.

Body Scrub: You might try to have me committed after this suggestion, but keep in mind that I do all of these tips personally and have seen the results. Coffee grounds can do more than wake you up in the morning. They can also be used as a great exfoliate. Take a handful of regular (not decaffeinated) coffee grounds and add some water, creating a paste. In a circular motion, rub the coffee paste all over your body, avoiding sensitive areas. Not only do the coffee grounds pick up dead skin cells, but the caffeine wakes up your skin and recharges it. You can try this with regular or flavored coffee grounds, but I stick to the regular. I thank my mentor Shanel Cooper-Sykes for this tip!

Soft Skin: During these harsh winter months, it’s hard to keep our skin soft and supple. That can be eliminated with the use of one word…soy. Soybean oil has been proven to add moisture to skin and improve its texture. It also helps to even skin tone and to slow the growth of hair. There are many ways you can obtain the benefits of soy. You can purchase products with soy oil listed in the ingredients, but this is usually the most costly route. You can add soy to your diet with soy milk, soy yogurt, or other soy-based foods. You can also do what I do; purchase a bottle of soybean oil (it’s all the same) and mix it with your body wash and body lotion. It produces the same benefits, and you can control how little…or how much…soy you use on your skin. I do need to mention a word of caution. If you’re trying to grow out your hair do not use soy in your hair products. It will be counterproductive to the results you’re trying to achieve.

Overall Appearance: It cannot be said enough. To absolutely look and feel your best at all times you must include two things in your life: water and rest. No beauty regimen in the world can replace these two elements. You need water to keep your body hydrated and to keep your systems active and healthy. You need rest to allow your body to recharge and repair itself.  It is absolutely essential to your mind, body, spirit and sanity to include plenty of H2O and rest in your daily life. Typically, adults need 7-8 hours of rest and an average of 8 eight-ounce glasses of water to maintain a healthy state. This, of course, varies from person to person. Your height, weight, activity level, and overall health are also factors when it comes to determining how much rest and hydration you need. Find your comfort level and stick to it.

There you have it, five simple and powerful tips to keep your fly mommy status. Not only will you look good fulfilling the many roles of fly mommy-hood, but you’ll feel good, too! That trumps all of the benefits combined. Everyone knows that when mommy’s happy, the world is happy. These tips work for me! I’m sure they will work for you, too!