Their new album “STRONG” featuring “The World Is Changing” was released overseas, www.vagabondmusiconline.com/fr_strong.cfm .  It reached and stayed for several weeks on Japan’s Top 10 MTV International.

(Singer, dancer and choreographer, Eshe, Interview with Flaimahmy, July 22, 2010)

FM:  I understand that Eshe means life in Swahili.  Can you tell us how you got your name?

E:  Actually it does and my whole name is Montsho Eshe; you can say it “Mont sho Es shay” and it means black life.  It’s a really fun story.  My sister was pregnant with my nephew at the time the group was about to release a record and everybody in the group had all of these cool names outside of their real names, their government names.  I was looking for an African name for my nephew in this African book and I ran across that name, Eshe, and I loved it.  I was like ’wow’ this describes me because I’m very energetic and a bubbly person so I liked the name.  It was as simple as that.

FM:  As a child did you dream of being a writer, musician and choreographer?

E:  Actually, I wanted to be a lawyer and I wanted to dance for Alvin Ailey.  That’s what I wanted to do.  I grew up in the arts.  My mother owned a dance school for over thrity-five years.  I’ve been dancing since I was two years old and I’m thirty-five now.  I taught my first dance class when I was fourteen.  I think I choreographed my first piece when I was fifteen or sixteen.  It was to Prince when he did the Batman soundtrack, that song that he had on the soundtrack.  That was my first piece.

I’ve always loved to dance; I’ve always loved music.  Truly, I really thought I was going to be a lawyer and dance with Alvin Ailey.  I kind of fell into the music thing.  My sister was into it heavily because I’m the youngest.  How I got in the group, actually it was my sister’s audition and she didn’t want to do it and she passed it on to me because she was doing some other work with James Brown and other artists at that time.  So, she was like, “You want the audition?”  I was like, “Sure.”

I just went in and auditioned for fun; I was thirteen years old when I auditioned for Arrested Development.

FM:  Wow.  How did your parents feel about you auditioning so young for a major group?

E:  This was in the eighties so the group was at its beginning stages.  There was actually just Speech and the other co-founder who was Headliner; it was just the two of them and then I came into the flow.  My mom was extremely supportive because again she was a woman of the arts who owned her own dance school so she said, “If this is what you really want to do as long as you stay focused in school and be good in school and don’t get in trouble, you can do it.”  I was like, “Ok.”  It was just fun for me.  My dad lived in the house but he never was really engaged in what we were doing.  It was more so my mom.  I kind of looked to her for direction.

FM:  You have a seven year old daughter.  Are you and her dad conservative parents or liberal parents?  What’s your parenting style?

E:  That’s a great question.  I’m saved and I’m a Christian and I try to live a Holy life.  I try my best.  I’m not perfect.  You know honestly I don’t let her listen to certain music because I don’t listen to it.  No cursing around her, I don’t do that.  No drinking,  No smoking.  None of that.  I try to raise her right and keep her sheltered from some things but not to the point where she’s shellshocked when she’s in the world.  I take her out with me on the road.  She’s home schooled.   She’s a very smart young lady.  She takes gymnastics.  I teach her dance.  She’s very active in church.  She loves going to church.  She loves God and she loves learning.  She’s just a happy child.  Her lifestyle is different from other kids her age, number one, because of what I do for a living and since she was two months she’s been touring.  Her first trip was Hawaii and she went to Europe when she was two and a half going on three.  She travels with me all the time.  My mother and I are very very close so it’s really the three of us always together.

When I’m out of town and I can’t bring them because sometimes they come on the road with me, my mother keeps her for me and watches her.  There are other family members who help as well but it is mainly my mom.  She’s with me pretty much all the time.   Her dad is very supportive of her as well.  I try to be open but she’s a little firecracker.

FM:  Is your daughter interested in performing?

E:  Oh yeah.  Actually, she’s been in two of our videos.  She has already done a pilot for a reality tv show about talented young kids in agencies.  I keep her active at church so she does her speeches and dances.  I don’t push her to do anything that she doesn’t want to do but it’s funny how a lot of the stuff that she has done she didn’t even audition for, people just asked, “Can she be a part of this?”   I’m like, “sure” and I ask her does she want to do it and she says yes.  You know it’s interesting how things have just kind of fallen into her lap.  I tell her all the time that she’s so great and she is fearfully and wonderfully made and she’s blessed.  She has such a spirit of success on her and prosperity and love.  She just has such a good heart as a kid.  She has kind of an old soul too.  She’s truly a blessed child.

FM:    Awesome.  Now Arrested Development has kicked off its U.S. and Canadian tour.  You performed at the Tom Joyner Cruise and  The Essence Music Festival in New Orleans recently.  You’ve also performed in Dubai.  So few Americans know anything about Dubai.  How did you prepare for that performance and how was the experience?

E:  We did what we normally do.  You know, just our regular show.  We didn’t know what to expect because we hadn’t been to Dubai.  A lot of people had told us how beautiful it was and how strict it was over there.  When we got there, because it is a very strict Muslim country, a lot of people were covered up and you definitely always want to respect the culture whereever you go, that part was very interesting just seeing the culture…the dress style.  People kind of look at you a little strange.

It was beautiful.  I actually love it there.  It was hot, whoooh as I don’t know what, but it’s really really hot there.  I was like, “I’m from the south but I’ve never felt heat like this.”  It was beautiful.  The people really received us.  Honestly, a lot of the shows, it was a lot of Americans there and people from all over the world because of a lot of people over there teaching English or working because it is such a very rich place .  There is a lot of construction and building going on.  It’s a lot of Americans in Dubai, you would be surprised, a lot.

FM:  I want to go to Dubai one day definitely.

E:  You should go; it’s beautiful.  They have huge malls.  They have a mall that has an actual ski resort in it and it’s real snow in the middle of the desert.  Isn’t that amazing?  They have mosques in their malls so that at a certain time you hear like a bell ring and people then go and pray in the malls.   It’s deep.  It’s a beautiful place.  We’ve been there two or three times.

FM:  You are writer and choreographer for Arrested Development’s new album entitled, STRONG.  That’s a “strong” position for a woman in an industry still dominated by men.  How has the industry changed in your opinion?

E:  Well, you know, as they say, it is what it is.  When I first got in of course I was only thirteen.  When we came out I was sixteen.  I was still very much a kid.  Coming into something like this that is such an adult business you have to grow up really quick and a lot of things you are not prepared for.  You learn by trial and error.  This is a very male dominated business.  It’s unfortunate sometimes.  I was speaking with a friend of mine the other day and I was saying in this business a lot of times it is very sad that people say, ”I want to do this with you, I want to work with you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah” and really at the end of the day what they are trying to do is what they were doing at the beginning of the day, they are just trying to date you or connect with you on another level other than business.

It’s unfortunate because I feel like a lot of times a lot of great female artists are overlooked for that reason because they are not going to give in to selling their soul just to get a record deal.  You hear about that so much.  That part saddens me.  It’s not everybody in the industry but it does happen and I think honestly not just in music but that happens in the world.  A lot of people do things to climb up the ladder of success which is very unfortunate.

When I first got into it, I never knew what a groupie was or any of that and just seeing it from that perspective and being on the road and seeing that and just being a young girl in the business and not knowing a lot of things from a business aspect, learning by trial and error, it was heartbreaking.  Honestly, for a while I stepped away from the music industry for like two years.  I didn’t want anything to do with it… at all…period.

It was funny because during that time I really heavily got into my Word and into God and in the sense of direction for my life.  Then God sent me back on out and people kept calling me and asking me if I could choreograph this and can you do this and can you do that.  Part of the reason was that I was just heartbroken by how people treat one another.  I’m one of those people who trys to believe in the good things versus the negative things in people or situations.  It was heartbreaking for it to continuously keep going on and on and on.

I’ve seen so many young girls be taken by the industry because of that and they don’t want anything to do with it because of how you get treated by a lot of the males in this industry.  It’s really sad.  It’s really sad.

FM:  You’ve stated that your goal is to be a legend in print, film and music?  Do you feel as though you are on target?

E:  Oh yeah, definitely.  I’m right where God wants me to be.  You know throughout the years I’ve been through a lot in my life.  A lot.  But, you know it’s amazing because  all those experiences build character, they sharpen your character and I praise God for them.  They have made me the person I am today.  Everyday my goal is to be a better person and to do what God wants me to do.  I feel like I am in that place.  I’m more seasoned now.  I’m more wise, more grounded and I’m excited about the future that is in store for me.

It’s beyond what I do.  Let me say this.  If I don’t hit the mark of God’s purpose for me, then a nation is lost because under me it’s people that I’m supposed to touch, it’s people that I’m supposed to meet, it’s relationships that are supposed to develop and every situation that comes about is for a season, a reason or a lifetime.  It’s a reciprocal effect.  You get something from them, they get something from you whether it just be encouragement or you’re speaking something into their life or being positive or loving or something.

If I’m not where I am supposed to be then a whole nation of people will be lost.  I try to really stay in line with the Creator, in like, “Where do you want me to be?  Where do you want me to go?”   I feel like I’m definitely in the right place.

FM:  You are Director of Performing Arts Ministry at Solomon’s Porch Ministries in Decatur, GA.  What is your core teaching in this ministry?

E:  Oh, man.  My core teaching in my dance ministry is to build strong Christians as well as dancers so not only are you teaching people how to dance but you’re being mother, you’re being sister, you’re being friend, you’re being counselor, you’re being mentor because they are watching your lifestyle.  A lot of times when we’re having rehearsals they may come in and get on issues of home and you have to deal with that before you can even move forth to the dance aspect of it.

It’s a blessing because I’ve been teaching a long long time and a lot of the kids have been with me since they were babies and they are getting ready to go off to college.  We just did a dance conference at my church and a dance concert last Sunday.  It really blessed my heart because people who attended have seen my kids dance for years.  They were saying that something happened, something shifted with them, because they had never seen them dance like that and give their all.  Just like my mother taught me, these are skills that they can take with them the rest of their life.  They can always teach somebody how to dance and make a living off of that and sew into some other young person’s life.

For me, the core is to build great people and to let my life be an example.  Sometimes, you definitely fall short; I definitely fall short.  I try to be a great example for those kids because they are like my kids and I love them very very much.

FM:  We consider you to be a Fly Mommy.  Tell us in your own words what makes you a Fly Mommy.

E:  Oooh…ok…What makes me a Fly Mommy?  That I love my daughter.  That there is nothing that I would not do for her.  That I am there for her.  That I support her.  That I respect her.  That I have been nurturing the gift that God has given her.  That I try to be the best example I can be.  That I had a great mom to follow.  Also, on the flip side of that I try to be cute, I tell my daughter,  “When you grow up your friends are going to be like dang, that’s your mom, I thought that was your sister because you’re going to have a really cute young fly mom so just get used to it.”  So she’s like, “Ok, mommy.”   I just think character makes you a Fly Mom.  I try to be the best for her and she is so awesome.

(Interview with Flaimahmy, Friday, May 21, 2010)

FM:  Amy, you and your husband Todd, lost your son on Halloween night a few years ago.  He was three years old at the time.  He was lost for ten minutes that you described as seeming like an eternity.  Tell us about that incident and what you decided to do as a result of that experience.

AC:  He had been diagnosed with a developmental delay so at that point he was pretty much nonverbal.  We had a lot of family and friends over for Halloween.  The neighborhood was very active on Halloween.  A little girl came up the driveway and fell.  My husband let go of his hand to help her and he just disappeared.  It was pretty terrifying because it was dark and there were cars out.  He wound up being across the street swinging on a swing on a front porch but we had police cruisers out calling his name; we had family, friends, everybody running everywhere to find him.

Since that day and because he was pretty much nonverbal at the time I tried to find a product, even when we would go to the grocery store, or somewhere that we would frequently go to, where I could have my cell phone number on it just in case he ever got lost someone could call.   We tried a couple of other products that are out there that are not bracelets but are temporary fixes.  It didn’t work very well.

That’s when we had dinner with the Tiberias because our kids go to the same school.  We were talking one night and I said, “We’ve thought about this idea,” and they said, “Oh, my gosh, it’s a great idea,” because they had experienced a similar instance with their son.

It’s kind of a common thread with parents that if your child is lost you want to know that someone is going to be able to contact you as soon as possible so you can be reunited with your child quickly.

FM:  Jennifer, you and your husband Tony, lost your son at a festival.  He was two years old at the time.  He was lost for twenty minutes.  You described feelings of terror and hopelessness.  Tell us about that incident and how you began to search for a solution.

JT:  Yes, it was a situation where I thought he stayed behind with my husband and friends and Tony assumed that he went with my older son and myself.  When I came back neither of us had him.  It was just an instant state of panic in all of us, our friends, there were about ten of us, panicked.  I grabbed my older son by his hand as hard as I could and went to the places I had been with my younger son.  I couldn’t remember what he was wearing.  You panic.  It was very crowded.  There was no “lost and found” set up.  Fortunately, these nice young women saw he was getting ready to cross a busy street and picked him up.  They were searching for where he belonged and looking for a lost and found and didn’t know what to do with him.  Some friends of ours ran into them and found him.

What I did at that point; I still wasn’t clever to think to write the number on their arm like Amy had done.  When we went to Disney World the next year I put them in matching bright orange t-shirts or bright green t-shirts so I would at least remember what they were wearing that time versus the other time when I couldn’t remember what he was wearing.

One night at dinner with Amy and Todd we were sharing our stories and Amy said, “I write my number on my kid’s arm,” and I said, “There has got to be something we can come up with that is a reusable kind of product that our kids can wear.”  It took us a year plus to find the right product that would work that we felt was the perfect product for this application.

FM:  You created arm.ID.illo bandz…I’m not sure I’m pronouncing it correctly…

JT:  …It’s just armadillo, like the animal.  We just spell it a little bit differently; instead of an “ad,” it’s an “id.”

AC:  Armadillo happened when we were going through the branding process we wanted a catchy fun name for kids because we really want children to embrace this along with their parents.  Armadillo is actually the animal of safety…it’s kind of a play on…you wear it on your arm and it’s an i.d…your phone number so that your child will have your cell phone number..so that’s how we came up with arm.ID.illo bandz.

FM:  You also have a Kids Safety Network.  Describe this Network.

JT:  The idea behind the Kids Safety Network is basically every bracelet has a unique i.d. on it so you would go in and register your information on our secure website.  Right now we send out newsletters and updates and just different information that’s going on.   In the upcoming months we are working on launching an IPhone Application where you could log in when you’re at various places.  Like if you go to Six Flags and you’re a member of  arm.ID.illo bandz you would log in that you’re at Six Flags and I would log in with whomever else.  It’s just a fulfilling of a network of you guys all kind of looking out for each other kind of system is what we’re after.  Down the road we’re looking at creating a GPS chip to put into the already existing bracelet so we would already have the IPhone application and this network already built in place so you could easily migrate into the GPS part of the system if you wanted to.

AC:  But, we will always keep this basic product that we have now because we want all children and families to be able to afford it.

JT:  People can afford a $15.00 bracelet but they probably can’t afford an $80.00 bracelet with a GPS chip in it.  At least they would have the $15.00 phone number i.d. security bracelet.  If they wanted to spend the extra money and  have the GPS option in the future they can always do that.

AC:  Our tag line is safety in numbers and we really do feel that with the kids wearing the bracelet there’s a consistent branding.  When people see the orange bracelets they actually do become a part of a network.  People automatically know, even if they’re grandparents and they don’t have their grandchildren with them at that time and a child is separated from his parents at the amusement park, or grocery store or a game, all people will know that they need to look at the number on the child’s arm and call their parents immediately.  That’s what we’re trying to create, that everyone knows exactly the protocol when they see an orange bracelet on a child with an arm.ID.illo logo.

FM:   How did you begin your collaboration?

AC:  Just lots of talking and lots and lots of meetings and discussions about playing out the scenarios of a child being lost.

JT:  We tried to figure out what the right product would be that was cost effective and reusable and works for everybody.  The color being orange and orange is the color of safety and we wanted something that was highly visible.  It took a year of development to figure out what was exactly going to work right.  Then having it manfactured and having the product come in, making sure it worked right and that kids liked it and would wear it and that it was comfortable.  So, we had different friends and various people test it and wear it.  We’ve gotten good feedback and it’s gotten us to this point.

FM:  What made you want to go into business together?

AC:  I don’t know.  [Laughter from both].  I think we both have a corporate background and it’s kind of been the yin and the yang of what we could bring to the table.

JT:  My husband and I are kind of entrepreneurial and Amy has an extensive marketing background.  She’s the one who was writing the kids numbers on their arms and we just said, “Ok, let’s do it.”  I think it was the two different types of  business backgrounds coming together to make it work.  We each bring something unique to the table.

AC:  My husband has a financial background.  We all bring something different to the table but yet we’re all parents with very active boys  and we’re always on the go.  There’s definitely some consistencies with all parents that we feel like we’re touching.

FM:  What is your working style?  Who is more creative?  Who is more responsible for day-to-day administrative responsibilities?

JT:  I think Amy and I are probably more…well, I don’t know.  Tony kind of created the whole bracelet idea with the holes in it.  But, he does a lot more of the administrative stuff and does all the website background whereas Todd manages the accounting end of it.  Amy did the branding and the logo.  We all kind of do a little bit of everything right now.  I think all four people are very creative when we sit down and talk and try to work things out.

AC:  We have weekly meetings with our marketing and p.r. people.  We’ve actually been able to delegate a lot of  that to them.   At times it’s been a grass roots effort that we’ve been building on and now we’re at the point where we have launched it and starting to get out to festivals and talk to retailers.  We are getting a really good response.

FM:  How do you balance the roles of wife, mom and entrepreneur?

AC:  No sleep.  [Laughter]

FM:  I know the feeling.

JT:  I don’t know, I think if it’s something that is important to you and you feel it’s a great product and you feel you really want to do it and be successful, then obviously you find ways to make it work.  Obviously, it takes time away from your family.  I had to go to New York to do a media tour.  We went to New York to do a toy fair.  It does pull some time away.  I’m not the the stay-at-home mom; I like to do a lot of activities with my kids, but I also like to work into my own sense of  what I am and I think Amy’s the same way.  We both do a tremendous amount of things with our kids and are very involved with our kids.  We are not one of those working moms that you never see.  We also pride ourselves in the product that we have developed and the other work that we do as well.

FM: You mentioned that your husbands are involved in the business.  What about your children, are they involved?

JT:  We make them do the photo shoots and wear the product. When we did our photo shoot they went out and did the pictures.  They all know what’s going on with it and ask questions and they love wearing the bracelet and tell their friends about it.  Their friends at school like to wear it.

AC:  They constantly keep us on our toes.  That’s for sure.

FM:  Are your kids and your husbands proud of you?

JT:  I hope so; I’m sure they are and our husbands are pretty involved with the product as well.  I think everyone sees how much work it takes.

AC:  Absolutely, from the get-go my husband said that this was a great idea.  It’s definitely needed.  I think that’s where all businesses start; there is a need.  We feel that we are fulfilling this need and at the same time creating peace of mind for parents.  Even if you’re going to the grocery store, just slipping this little silicone bracelet on that is very comfortable for children to wear is becoming a part of daily life.  We believe in the product and we feel like it is going to be successful because it is a good product.

JT:  You were just talking about the grocery store.  We have a guy who’s working on our house.  He said, “So, I saw something about your product.  I have a son with Downs Syndrome.  When I go to the grocery store he takes off and we lose him.  I really want to get one for my son.”  We tried to make it for kids that do have special needs and who sometimes it may be a little more difficult for parents.  It is the type of product that those kids would wear.  It would be useful to them as well.  He was excited to take it home and give it to his son.  He said that it will make him feel better that even if he runs off in the store at least he will have his phone number on him.

FM:  What would be your perfect vacation?

JT:  It used to be that I’d like to go to Europe and sightsee, but now I’ve worked so much that I like to go to the beach with my kids at an all inclusive resort where there are fun things for the kids to do and I can sit by the pool or in the sand, do nothing and read a book.

AC:  I would say the same, just somewhere relaxing.  My only requirement, especially for my seven year old son; he’s very, very active, just having somewhere we can relax but also where I can keep my eye on him.

FM:  We consider you both to be Fly Mommies.  Tell us in your own words what makes you Fly Mommys?

AC:  I can fly by the seat of my pants…[laughter]…I think that’s what probably makes me a Fly Mommy.  I wish I could sprout wings.

JT:  I think just having kids and being actually involved in your children’s lives.  Amy and I are both involved in our children’s schools; we’re on the PTA board at our kids’ schools.  Doing that and working and trying to create our kids product that is much needed…makes us Fly Mommys.

(Interview with Flaimahmy, Wednesday, May 12, 2010)

“One of the things that I am real careful to do is tell people that I’m not going to tell you about our kids so that you feel sorry for them.” Kimberley A. Shellman-Borna, CEO, The Center for Children and Young Adults, Atlanta Metropolitan area.

FM:  You are the new Chief Executive Officer of The Center for Children and Young Adults.  Tell us about the Center and what you do.

KS:  The Center is a shelter and home for children.  Over the years [there has been] a lot of good progress I could say that the state has made on placing children.  Younger children are being placed in foster care homes.  But, it’s harder to place adolescents in foster care homes.  We are a home for children and primarily serve kids ages 12 to 17.  We do have a transitional living program for kids ages 17 to 21.  A lot of our kids graduate into that program because at 18 we don’t want to just turn them out on the streets.  Even though we all think we’re grow at 18, we all know, particularly mothers, that they are not grown.

My job is to really steer and guide the direction of the Center.  I am the person who keeps the lights on and pays the bills and oversees the programming aspects.  I have a Director of Residential Services who is great.  I set the vision for that.  We are trying to mix life skills with fun activities, with educational activities so that we can better prepare these kids for self-sufficiency in their adult lives.  They’re going to need it more than kids who have parents there everyday.

FM:  What motivated you to become an advocate for the care and protection of abused and neglected children?

KS:  You know, believe it or not it’s something that I’ve always wanted to do.  It actually started when I was very young, in the first grade.  I had a first grade teacher who was very racially prejudiced toward the two black students in the class.  I felt like they were very mistreated.  My concern for kids really began when I was young.  It was something I could not articulate; I knew it was wrong.  I didn’t know exactly what I was witnessing but it was something that happened when I was young.  I think when kids see that it makes an impression on them.  For me, it made an impression.  It was something that I wanted to always work towards fixing and making sure that kids were protected.  It made me sensitive at age six.

In addition to that, my grandmother, who’s ninety-one years old, grew up in a “home.”   Her mother died when she was two.  Her father could not care for her and he placed her in a “home” in the Chesapeake Bay area.  She grew up in the “home.”  My whole life I’ve heard stories of  my grandmother talking about growing up in the “home” and the things that made her able to be successful when she got out of the home as a teenager, starting self-sufficiency, the things that were helpful.

I’m always telling my staff that my grandmother always said that it’s the ones who were caring and interested and compassionate and flexible, it wasn’t the staff who barked at her all the time who really made her the person she is today.  My grandmother built a very successful family who she is the matriarch of even at the age of ninety-one, out of no family.  That was always a motivating factor for me.

FM:  Do you find, as much as people are saddened about children who are abused or neglected, that it is difficult to get them involved in helping these children?

KS:  I think everybody wants to help.  I think some people don’t know how to help.  I think some people have ideas and that’s not necessarily the help that we need for these kids.  One of the things, especially in working with teenagers, when you work with teenagers they are always listening to everything that you are saying.  One of the things that I am real careful to do is tell people that I’m not going to tell you about our kids so that you feel sorry for them.  I don’t want you to feel sorry for them.  I want you to actually admire them.  I want you to see the struggles and the challenges that they’ve overcome.  I want you to see how hard they are working toward self-sufficiency and I want you to invest in their futures.

I think if people can reach out to organizations like our organization and ask us, “How can I help?,” that usually gives a better help inducement than having to come up with an idea on their own.  I do think that people want to help.  There are a lot of charities and organizations out there and I always tell people that I understand that people have their own causes and I encourage people to support their own causes.  Nowadays with the economy and the hits that the foundations have had, we’re all really struggling  just to keep the lights on.  The operational expenses of an organization are really really hard.  A lot of people have said they want to fund a program but as a part of that program you have to be able to pay your folks who are doing the administrative work and making sure that the bills get paid and that type of thing as well.  That’s really the struggle.

FM:  How do you cope with the stress of this position?

KS:  You know, I am a private person of faith.  I think the more work that I do that is closer to the front line of working with kids, the more private and strong my faith is.  I would not be able to stay and witness some of the things that I see and hear from these kids without my faith.  I also think a lot of it comes from my family; I have a very very good husband.  If I didn’t have such a good husband who is such a good daddy I wouldn’t be able to be true to my daughter as well as being able to take care of these other kids.  I have a good partnership.  I wouldn’t be able to do what I do as a single mom and I really admire the single moms who do it.

FM:  Do you feel optimistic about where we are as a society in protecting our children?

KS:  I don’t; I don’t sometimes.  I work with teens now and it’s been really amazing to me that when I start to talk about the teens and the kids at the Center how many people say, “Well, where are the little kids; I thought you had little kids there.”   What they forget is that our teens were little kids and now they’re teens and now they’re even more vulnerable because they can’t be placed; they’re too old to be placed in foster homes.

Foster parents aren’t willing to take them at this age because they are going to age out to the system and be in society ill-prepared.  I just really really worry that…what happens with our kids is when they are neglected and abused and we as a system and as a community and as families are not able to adequately provide for them and respond to them…then they end of getting into a little bit of trouble.  They’re skipping school and they start doing a little vandalism, they start shoplifting and then all of a sudden they are juvenile delinquents.  They always forget that they were abused and neglected and that’s how they ended up down this path.  Then people are a lot harder on them at that point.  Then people say, “I don’t know why you would help kids who don’t want to help themselves.”  You know, these kids don’t know how to help themselves; most kids don’t know how to help themselves.  Kids in healthy families don’t always know how to help themselves.  That’s why parents are there to help them.

I guess I want to be optimistic.  I am really optimistic about some of the changes and new things that we are doing at the Center to really try to build a better future for these kids and help them to understand that the best is yet to come.  I had a conversation with a girl a couple of weeks ago and I said to her, “These are not the best years of your life.  I understand that no one wants to live at the Center for Children and Young Adults, even if it is a great place.  No one wants to live here; you want to live with your family or a family.”  And, she said, “What did you say?” I started to reiterate, and she said, “No, what did you say about my life?”  I said, “This is not the best time in your life but that time in your life is yet to come.”  She looked at me and said, “I did not know that; I thought this was it.”  That was so shocking to me, that that was the way these kids feel.

FM:  If you could make three immediate changes that you believe would have significant positive impact on the lives of the children you serve, what would those changes be?

KS:  Three changes…that’s a good question.  I think I would really like to have some support for the kids which we are working towards but we need some help.  I’d really like to have some support around computer training and preparation for college.  So many people don’t realize that a lot of the kids who come to us are really really smart kids.  They just have a lot of gaps in schooling.  What happens is they only have enough credits to be in the ninth grade when they should be a junior or a senior.  That really challenges them to get a high school degree and be able to go to college.  Yet, if you look at their grades over the years, they’ve had really good grades despite their struggles.

I would really like to invest more in these kids in education to get them so that they could graduate high school more timely and that they could be prepared for college because when I got here most of my seventeen year olds didn’t even know what the SAT or the PSAT was.  That to me is very sad.  That would be the first thing, is really some help to invest in their futures and to really problem solve their gaps in education because that’s really going to be a big key to their success.

The second thing is, if I could really make an impact, I would like to find a way to engage these kids with their families more, because even kids who come from homes where their parents haven’t always done right by them, they just want to be with their families, they just want to see them.  I would like to find a way for us to more positively engage their families.  It seems like in the system that we have set up for child abuse and neglect it’s so punitive against the parents who have done wrong by the children, and you know what, the parents deserve that, but the kids don’t deserve that and the kids are the ones who get punished by not being able to be with their parents.

The third thing that I’d like to do is to be able to show them that their lives will be better, to show them that they have a future, to be able to show them kids who’ve been through the system, to have them come and talk with them and encourage them and help them to know what the important things are that they need to do to succeed .  You know we like to think that we are these educated adults who’ve worked in the system a long time and we know what it takes for them to get where they’ve gotten.  But, really only someone who’s actually done it really knows and that’s who the kids really need to hear from.

FM:  You and your husband David, have a daughter.

KS:  Yes, we do.

FM:  You are also foster parents.

KS:  We’ve had a foster child since February.  We’re hoping to get another placement in May before the month is out, possibly in June.  We only foster kids zero to four because our daughter is four and a half and we were delightfully counseled by our daughter who wants to remain the oldest.  We also received counseling that you should not change the order of your family especially when you have young children.  So, we just take in kids zero to four.  We do that in Cherokee County.

FM:  Does your daughter understand the concept of foster siblings?

KS:  You know, it’s interesting.  We’ve been very careful how we talk to her about it.  When our foster daughter, Maggie, first came to us in January and there were some boys before that we had talked to her about.  First, Baleigh, [daughter], was worried about whether she would ever be a foster child.  I told her, “ No because you have a lot of family resources.”  She said, “What are resources?”  I said, “That’s your grandmother and your aunts and  your uncles.  So if anything ever happened to mommy and daddy you would have all of these people who would be fighting over wanting to take care of you.  The kids who come into foster care are kids who don’t have a lot of family resources.  You are really lucky that you do and it’s very very kind and generous of you to share your family resources with other children.”

That’s how we’ve talked about it.  It comes with the regular jealousness and things like that with foster kids in the house.  I think she’s growing more and more and understanding it more and more.  Now, with the kids at the Center, when she comes to the Center, she knows that the kids live here.  She always tells me when she gets in the car, “You know mommy I really do feel for those kids, I really do care about them and I know you’re going to take good care of them.”

So one of the things that I am accomplishing through my job and through foster parenting is something  I wanted to do with my daughter; I wanted her to have that compassion at a really early age especially being an only child who has a lot more toys than I ever had and goes a lot more places than I ever went.  You worry about them taking all of that for granted and I really wanted her to think that those things are special and want to share those things, as well as just really learn compassion for other people at a young age.  I think that she is doing that.  That’s important to me and my husband.

FM:  Is it difficult  to see a foster child leave your home or are you really happy to see them adopted?

KS:  It’s really funny because when you go through the foster parenting classes, everybody always worries when a foster child goes home that everybody is going to be so sad and then they tell you that most people do the “happy dance.”   It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them.  It’s like taking your nieces and your nephews for a week.  At the end of the week you still love your your nieces and nephews but if they are going back to a situation that’s good you feel good about it.

If the system did what it was supposed to do and the child is going back with a family member then that is something you feel really good about.  I told my husband a long time ago when we talked about this that it is not you, it’s about the child.  If you put your emotions there then you are happy for them rather than sad for yourself that you have the loss.  You definitely feel the loss and sometimes you feel the loss a week later more than you feel it at that instant moment.

You learn when you have foster kids that they grieve, even when they are a year old, they grieve for their parents.   Our foster daughter cried at night for her parents.  It was very very hard.  At times I felt like I had kidnapped her because she so wanted to be with her parents.  When she got to go back with her grandparents and her mom there was that sense of that’s where she wants to be and needs to be.  You just want to make sure that that system has done what it’s supposed to do and they’ve done it in a safe way.

FM:  What do you believe is your greatest contribution to the children you serve?

KS:  I would probably say my greatest contribution to the children that I serve is just my compassion.  It’s because a lot of people can do things for them and a lot of people can raise money and a lot of people can build nice places and a lot of people can hire good staff.  My staff would probably say that I am compassionate to a fault because I feel so much for them.  I have definitely had the kids who have been in the organizations that I’ve worked for usually tell me that I am one of the kindest people that they’ve met.  That is what I want them to feel.  I really want to teach them about kindness.   That’s probably the greatest thing that I have been able to give them.

FM:  We at Flaimahmy believe that you are a Fly Mommy.   In your own words tell us why you are a Fly Mommy.

KS:  Well, I guess it depends on the definition of Fly Mommy.  If a Fly Mommy is somebody who tries to do a million things at once and is successful at fifty percent of them, then I guess I am a Fly Mommy.

For more information visit Umbrellaweb.org or call (770) 333-9447  Ext. 105

(Interview with Flaimahmy Sunday, May 9, 2010)

FM:  Happy Mother’s Day!  We at Flaimahmy are very honored that you took the time out of your busy schedule to give us this interview today!  We really appreciate it.

FM:  Tell us a little about your childhood.  You’ve stated that your mom “poured extra love” on you because she grew up without her mom.  You met your dad for the first time when you were twenty-five.  How has this affected you?

RT:  No, she had a mom, her grandmother, my big mama raised my mom.  So she had a mom who was better than her mom.  She did have a mommy.

FM:  Yes.  You said that she poured extra love on you.

RT:  Oh, yeah, yeah, she did.  She wanted to make sure that I felt loved all the time and she did an amazing job with that.  I was spoiled with love, not with material things, but with love and affection from my mommy.

FM:  You said that you met your dad for the first time when you were twenty-five.  How has that affected your life?

RT:  I felt closure.  Other than that everything was the same because I always wanted to know my father and I’m glad I met him.  I think everybody deserves to know their parents whether their parents abandoned them or gave them up for adoption or whatever it is.  I think you should know your background.  That is very very important.

FM:  You were a dancer before you joined TLC.  Do you enjoy dancing equally as much as singing?

RT:  Yes, I do.

FM:  You are a beautiful and talented woman.  Do you believe that you’ve ever been taken less seriously in the music industry because of your looks?

RT:  No, not because of looks but maybe because I’m a woman and a black woman.  Not because of looks.  When you are a woman, period, it’s just a lot harder.  You have to prove yourself a lot more than a man does and definitely a lot more than Caucasian women.  I don’t mean it in a bad way.  I’m not putting anybody down.  I’m just saying it’s very hard for black women.  It just is.

FM:  If you had to choose between beauty or talent, which would you pick?

RT:  Beauty…laughter from both.

FM:  Why?…more laughter from both.

RT:  I mean, we can all look around.  Unfortunately, a lot of people are successful because of their beauty.  They don’t have a lot of talent.  It can be in any business; I’m not talking just about the entertainment business.  I’m talking about anywhere.  Sometimes a pretty face can take you a lot further than brains.  It’s terrible but that’s the world we live in.

FM:  You and Dallas Austin have a son, Tron.  How difficult is it being a working mom and a celebrity mom at that?

RT:  It’s challenging, but my focus is always my son anyway so it doesn’t really get that hard for me.

FM:   If there is a difference of opinion about a  parenting issue, how do you and Dallas come to a resolution?

RT:  Well, it helps because we don’t want to be together…laughter. I think most people have issues because somebody still wants to be with the other person and unfortunately they don’t get along and the kid suffers.  Thank God we don’t have that problem and Dallas trusts my judgment as a mommy.  He knows how much I love being a mother.  I don’t have any issues with him.

FM:  That’s great.  That’s awesome.  A lot of  single moms and single dads have a hard time co-parenting.  That’s great that you are doing it together and not having any issues.

RT:  Yes, that’s a blessing actually.

FM:  Is your son interested in the music industry and would you like for him to become a part of it since both of his parents are superstars in the industry?

RT”  Well, first off whatever it is Tron wants to do I would support it.  As a parent you’re supposed to check out all the talent or the gifts that God has given your child and just try to nurture all of them because you don’t know which one will be their career choice.  But, I am really happy to say that Tron is really into music and  just entertainment period.  He plays drums; he’s learning to play the guitar and it comes real natural for him.  It is not hard for him like it is for some of the other kids.  He definitely has a gift there.  He’s very funny and witty.  His timing is real good.  He’s crazy to see, I’m like, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it.”  I’m not grooming him to be that way; it’s totally his personality.

FM:  He has a natural talent.

RT:  Yes, he does.  He really does.

FM:  You have stated how important it is for you to produce music that is uplifting, that provides a message of self-esteem for girls, that shows respect.  Is the music industry receptive of that from you?

RT:  Well, yeah.  It’s definitely been receptive to TLC.  That’s all I know.

FM:  In your opinion what is the biggest change in the music industry in the last ten years?

RT:  Lyrics.  The lyrical content.  People aren’t talking about anything anymore.  Some people are, but a very very small percentage of people are.  That is the difference and I think that is very sad because when you’re feeling some kind of way, whether it’s up or down, everybody can grab that song or put that song on that makes them feel better.  You’ll choose to listen to a CD over watching a movie.  Music is very very powerful and I think that the world is losing that.  You have a hard day at work, it’s like, ok, what song are you going to put in, unless you go with something old school.  I just think that people are losing that creativity.  I don’t even think that they’re losing it; they’re not exercising it because it’s there, I do believe it’s there.  But, they’re not doing anything with it.

FM:  Do you think that the cuts in music and art programs in schools have had an affect on the music industry?

RT:  No, I don’t think that’s it because I don’t remember having stuff like that when I was in school.  I think it is what radio is choosing to play; it’s what you are hearing.  I think really what’s going on is that the beats are so hot, the beat catches you but the lyrics don’t.  They don’t connect with you.  They definitely don’t connect with me.  I think the music that they are allowing to be played on the radio and television programs, even the cartoons that they are ok with, are just unbelievable to me.

FM:  Do you allow your son to listen to the radio or watch…

RT:  No.  I monitor everything he listens to and what he watches.

FM:  I know when I interviewed T-Boz she said her daughter is not allowed to watch BET.

RT:  I’m not into letting him watch a lot of that stuff either, not just BET, but videos period because most of the videos are just not appropriate for kids to watch.

FM:  You have a reality show on VH1 called ”What Chilli Wants,” it comes on tonight of course, in which you are searching for Mr. Right.  You’ve been involved in some serious relationships, Dallas Austin, Usher, and Floyd Mayweather, for example.

RT:  No. Wait, wait, wait.

FM:  Ok, maybe not Floyd.

RT:  Floyd and I have never been in a relationship.  We’re just friends.

FM:  Ok.  We have to watch and see but if you should meet the person that you really want to be with and you’re interested in, on the show, would you keep a low profile in that relationship since you’ve had such high profile relationships before?

RT:  Well, I just think that once people know who you are, I don’t care who you’re with, because you’re not going to hide to go to the movies.  It just gets out.  Sometimes there is nothing you can do.  Really, my relationship with Usher was the only high profile relationship because that’s the only one that you saw.  Most people didn’t really know about me and Dallas and when we were together the media wasn’t crazy the way it is now.  People kind of cared what was going on but now it’s like everything is a big deal.  A lot of times you could be hanging out with just a friend, I mean really truly a friend and the next thing you know, that’s the person you’re dating and you can say all day long that it’s not true, it’s not true, but the negative stuff is like such a virus and it travels and it sticks, unfortunately.  That’s the part I hate.

FM:  Nowadays, if you’re famous and you’re seen out with someone, it is assumed that you’re automatically dating.  Do you think that people who are already famous, like yourself, who have been in the business for a long time, would prefer it as it used to be where not so much attention was paid and you had more privacy?  Or, do you think the overwhelming media curiosity feeds an environment where people want to be famous just to be in the spotlight?

RT:  That’s a two part question.  I’ll say that I’d rather it be not a big deal, do you know what I mean?  Because, I hate that every little thing, whether it’s true or not, is printed.  People don’t even do their research to make sure it’s true and they just put it all out.  Then, you do have a lot of people who want that and most of those people in my opinion aren’t celebrities.  These people will do whatever to get on tv and get people to start talking.

FM:  I am so impressed at how great a shape you are in?  Do you have an exercise regimen?

RT:  Well, it starts with genetics; I thank God for good genes, one.  And, two, I work out three to four times a week.  I eat well.  I don’t eat a lot of sweets.  I definitely don’t eat a lot of breads and stuff like that, stuff that will stick to you.  I eat stuff that is going to leave…laughter…as we all should.  I exercise and just take care of myself.  This is my thing.  First of all, I don’t understand why any man, unless there is an illness, ok?  I’m not talking about people like that.  If there is a medical problem you cannot help that.  That’s totally different.  I’m talking about people who are perfectly fine healthwise.  I don’t understand a man with a pot belly; I don’t get it.  When Crystal, my publicist and I are together, I point them out, I say, “Look at that.”   I don’t get it because men don’t have babies.  They don’t have periods.  They don’t go through the change.  Their metabolism doesn’t slow down the way ours does.  I don’t get it; I do not understand any man who does not have a medical issue because I don’t want any problems when you put this out; I don’t get that.  If you want to be in good shape then you will be in good shape.  It becomes a way of life for you.  It’s so easy to just get out of shape and people, especially some women, say, “Girl, I’ve still got that baby weight”…and that baby is six!  No, that’s not baby weight.  Stop blaming it on the poor baby.  You just have to want it.  You have to want to be healthy and you have to want to be in the best shape you can possibly be in and all I think about is, I have health insurance but I don’t want to have to use it all the time.   You want to stay out of the doctor’s office.  Who wants to cause yourself to have a disease because you’re eating all of that crazy stuff?  With the internet we’re so privy to information that we can read upon everything.  Knowledge is key and it is out there.  No excuses.

FM:  Do you have a life philosophy?

RT:  Girl, I’ve got a lot.  There’s another list for you.  I guess for me, I just feel like…I don’t know…what is my life philosophy?  It’s hard because I have so many different sayings.  It just depends on the subject.  I have a philosophy for everything, I think.

FM:  One little one that you would like to share with the readers?

RT:  Well, always be humble.  Be nice.  If you are humble and nice it takes you a long way in life, it really does.  People remember nice people.  You also remember sh…ty people too and you don’t ever want to deal with those people again.  But, nice people, you always want to do something good for them and you’ll remember them and it just pays to be a good person.

FM:  I already know that you are a Fly Mommy and we at Flaimahmy consider you to be a Fly Mommy.  What, in your own words, makes you a Fly Mommy?

RT:  What makes me a Fly Mommy?  Well, I’ll think about what Tron would say…because I’m fun.  I’m a fun mommy so that makes me a Fly Mommy.  I’m not one of those uptight mommies.  I mean I have my rules and regulations so I don’t play.  But, I am a lot of fun.  I have a really fun time with my son.

FM:  Is there anything else you would like to share with the readers?

RT:  Well, just keep watching, “What Chilli Wants.”  And, keep your standards.  Always make out your list.  Your list may not be as long as mine; I’ve lived a bit.  I’ve still got a long way to go.  Once you really know who you are and you know your worth then you’ll have a list.  Know your worth.  Get your list together and be patient for that good man.

Grace, beauty, talent, dignity and style are just a few of the words that describe the phenomenal woman who was Lena Horne.  In a career that spanned over 75 years Ms. Horne did more than just entertain; she paved the way for African Americans in the entertainment industry and was the first African American to have a talent contract with a major motion picture studio, MGM.

Lena Horne got her start in the fall of 1933 at the age of sixteen as part of the chorus line of the Cotton Club in New York.   She later became a movie star and political activist.  She marched on Washington, refused to perform for segregated audiences and would not allow MGM to market her as a Latina.  It is believed that because of her activism she was blacklisted in Hollywood and denied feature roles.  Despite attempts to derail her career Ms. Horne’s stardom rose as she continued to perform for adoring fans around the world.

Music Legend Quincy Jones described her as a ”pioneering groundbreaker.”   We at Flaimahmy Magazine describe her as “Legendary Fly-Mommy.”   We are honored to have been touched by such a phenomenal woman.

Lena Mary Calhoun Horne, born June 30, 1917, passed Sunday May 9, 2010 at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital.

She was the beautiful singing voice of Angela Davenport in Idlewild. Not only is she a vocal talent, her virtuosity on bass guitar can be heard on recordings for Carlos Santana, Curtis Mayfield, Jay-Z and OutKast, among others.  Most recently, she ignites the audience as bass player for Big Jim’s Penthouse Playas, house band of The Mo’Nique Show.

Top producers know her work well, Dallas Austin, Baby Face, L. A. Reid, Big Boi and Andre 2000, are a few of them.  Her songwriting credits cover recordings by artists, George Clinton, Will Smith, Paula Abdul, and more.

Debra Killings is talent personified!

Interview with Flaimahmy, March 7, 2010

FM:  I first want to say that I just loved the movie, Idlewild. I thought it was very artistically done.  You were the beautiful singing voice of the character Angela Davenport, played by Paula Patton.  How were you chosen to be the voice of Angela Davenport?

DK:  I had done several things with OutKast before.  They were familiar with me; I had done a lot of  base lines with background vocals for them.  The movie came up and they were looking for somebody to sing for the character Angela Davenport.  I don’t know how my name came up but Big said, “Let’s just get Debra to sing it.”  That’s basically how it came up.

FM:  And you did an exceptional job. You are a gifted vocalist, bass player, writer and  producer.  What do you think is your greatest talent?

DK:  My greatest talent…hmmm…I don’t know if it has anything to do with music.  I think if I had to choose between…I don’t know.  (Laughter).  At certain times it may vary.  Girl, I don’t know.  (Laughter).

FM:  Well, what are your top three?

DK:  Well, I know what I love to do.  I know I love to play bass.  At times I love to write…and produce.  Maybe those are my top three.

FM:  Has it been difficult being accepted as a female bass player?

DK:  Oh, absolutely.  Absolutely.  I know a lot of times you are underestimated because you are a woman.  Automatically, they chalk up in their heads that she’s probably not good because she’s a girl.  But, you have to earn your respect and keep your chops up and keep doing what you do as a musician.

FM:  Many people don’t know you are a mother, how many children do you have and how old are they?

DK:  I’ve got two kids, Rex is sixteen and Ton is eleven.

FM: Have you had to overcome many obstacles as a mother in the business?  Has it been difficult to balance home life and professional life?

DK:  You know there is always going to be a challenge trying to balance the two.  Say for instance if you’re put in a situation where you have to leave town to do music stuff or stay in town to do music stuff, you have to put your ducks in a row before you leave home and do what you have to do to make home right first.  Then everything else will be good.  That’s the way I try to balance it.

FM:  Have you had to leave on tour often?

DK:  You know I’ve  only been on one major tour.  That lasted I think about one and a half months.  I was in and out.  My kids were younger.  The balance was there because my husband was in the pocket, my mom was helping me and that’s the way we kept it kind of pretty good.  Most of my stuff, I do session work here in the city and very seldom out of the city.  Most of my stuff is session work and a couple of gigs every now and again.  I’ve got a pretty good balance, a good handle on it.

FM:  You are bass player for the house band, Big Jim’s Penthouse Playas of The Mo’Nique Show.  How did you get that gig?

DK:  I worked with Big Jim a while ago on The Fighting Temptations sound track with Terry Lewis of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis.  He knew I was a musician and a vocalist.  When he got offered this position he thought it would be a good idea to have a female in the group, somebody aside from all these knuckle heads (laughter) so to speak.  He didn’t have my number; he was trying to find me.  He finally posted something on my Facebook.  I decided to call him back and he told me all the details.  I told him I would love to do it.

FM:  How old were you when you became interested in music?

DK:  My brother started when I was probably in the fifth grade and I was really interested then just because he was.  But, when I really just put my foot down to be a musician and singer it was probably in the eleventh grade or so.  I was probably about fifteen.

FM:  Who taught you how to play bass guitar?

DK:  My brother started me out because he played guitar and then I mentored under this guy named Alvin Sykes.  He plays and engineers for everybody.  He pretty much made me get serious about it and showed me certain techniques.

FM:  Since your brother plays also, do you come from a musical family?

DK:  Not really.  I think we’re about the only two.  Well, as a matter of fact, when my mom was younger she played keyboards for a local church but she hasn’t played in years.  Maybe it came from that!  It probably stemmed from that.

FM:  Are your children interested in the music industry?

DK:  Girl, not at all.  They are into baseball and football.  I think they could be because they pick up on little things like how to work MP3 players and all that kind of stuff…not MP3 players…I’ve got an MPC.  They work that…hmmm…not so much yet.

FM:  I’m tickled because you’re the third musical mom whom I’ve interviewed and whose children are not interested in the music industry.

DK:  You know, I think we’ve been in it for so long, I think they don’t see any real value in it.  That is weird but a lot of people’s kids venture off and do other things aside from music.  Yeah.

FM:  You are executive producer of your album, “Open Heaven.”  One song is entitled, “I Choose Love.”  Is this more personal, universal or both? (www.debrakillings.com).

DK:  I think it’s both.  As a matter of fact it’s a song that I guess everybody needs to take heed to.  If we did we wouldn’t have as much violence; we wouldn’t have as much mess.  Even love is a choice, really.  That is something that you have to choose.

FM:  Of the many talented people you have worked with, do any stand out above the others to you?

DK:  I’ve worked with so many people.  I think Deborah Cox is one of my favorites, a phenomenal, phenomenal singer.  Dallas Austin.  Basically, everybody I’ve worked with because you know when you’ve dealt with a creative person you have to respect that creative person for what they do and what they’re doing…so yeah all of them really stand out.

FM:  Are there talents that we have yet to see, or areas that you would like to explore?

DK:  For myself?

FM:  Yes.

DK:  I know what I would like to do more of and that’s writing and producing for other people.  I’ll probably tap into that a little more in the future.  That’s it.

FM:  Is there anything further that you would like to share with our readers?

DK:  Keep God first and everything else will fall in line.

FM:  We consider you to be a Fly Mommy.  What do you think makes you a Fly Mommy?

DK:  What makes me a Fly Mommy…hmmm…I don’t know…haha…(Laughter from both).  Girl, I guess because I can do it all.  I can jump on my kids and still do what I do as a musician, as an artist.  I guess that’s really what makes me a Fly Mommy.

While traveling between Paris and New York,  Germany and Milan, Patrice met and married husband, Laurent Macarie, a Paris photographer.  They have two children, a son, Aime and a daughter, Ambre.

Patrice is currently full time Personal Shopper and Fashion Advisor for Lord & Taylor, Washington, D.C.

Interview with Flaimahmy, February 23, 2010

FM:  You knew you wanted to be in fashion when you were just six years old.  What thoughts were going through your mind at that age?

PVM:  Oh, I was one that everytime I saw a mirror I’d have to stop and pose;  I guess it came from the magazines.  I was a fan of Beverly Johnson.  When I saw her in the magazine I said, “Oh!  That’s what I want to do.”  That is when the love or the passion started.

[Beverly Johnson made history in 1974.  She became the first African American model to make the cover of Vogue.  Her appearance on the cover changed the perception of beauty and the industry.  By 1975 every major American designer began using black models].

FM:  You mentioned Beverly Johnson.  Were there any other models or designers that you knew about at that age?

PVM:  I think Beverly Johnson was the only one that I knew by name but I was one to go through the magazines and look at the fashions and clothes and I just fell in love with the industry then.

FM:  After graduating from high school, you wanted to go directly into modeling but your mom said no.  Were you crushed?

PVM:  No and you know I don’t know what came over me but I submitted easily.  I decided, “Alright, I’ll go to college and then I’ll be on my own and then I can do what I want.”  But, no I wasn’t crushed.  I don’t know what happened there but she was probably suggesting or demanding the right thing so I just followed it.

FM:  You went on to Bennett College in Greensboro, N.C., graduating with a Bachelor of Science.  Your mother then gave you a round-trip ticket to Paris.  What was the first thing you did when you arrived in Paris?

PVM:  Oh!  Hide out in the hotel room.  I was really shy and I would say frightened.  There was a part of me that felt that and a part of me that was just very happy to be there.  Believe it or not I hid out in the hotel room for about a week gathering up my nerves and my confidence and then I decided to go out and see Paris.  I went to the different design homes, the fashion houses just to see where they were.  I went to the agencies.  I didn’t set foot inside but I was collecting my information to go back and gather enough confidence to actually go through the door.

FM:  Do you think you benefited by finishing college before going off to Paris?

PVM:  Yes, I am so glad I did.  In fact, I was introduced to a fashion troupe at Bennett and I worked with them and was able to gain a little experience and a little confidence.  Of course, all these years later I am so glad that I did indeed go to college and graduate.  It was the thing to fall back on and my falling back on that still included fashion.  I have told my mother recently what a great thing she did.  I’m certainly glad she pushed me on to that.

FM:  How long did it take you to get work?  Did you have mentors or anyone you particularly admired while you were there?

PVM:  As my career went on I worked with a designer, Pauline Trigere in New York.  First of all, I learned in Paris that that is not where you start your modeling career.  You go back to New York and you gain experience and so after spending almost a year in Paris I decided to do that.  I went back and that’s where I started modeling and I knocked on the doors and I walked the pavement.  I was really ready to go then.  I was hired by Pauline Trigere.  She had a fashion house on Seventh Avenue in New York City and she seemed to like me.  She knew that I was inexperienced.  She took me under her wings with hair, makeup, dress, just everything.  I loved working for her.  I became the house model, that means I had to report to work everyday almost like a nine to five.  When she had clients, the two models, there was another house model as well, would put on that lines’ clothes and model them before the client.  Of course, they were purchasing for stores and things like that.  So, I would say out of my career Pauline Trigere was the one.  She introduced me to getting my nails done, my hair and maintaining your look.  She would have the manicurist come to the house and would send me to get my hair done in her car with her driver.  It was glamourous living for a while.

FM:  You also did runway for Balenciaga.  Which did you like better, runway or house modeling?

PVM:  Oh, I loved runway and I modeled in Paris runway for Balenciaga.  That is a prestigious name and house and I loved that.  They liked me too.  In fact, I was hired as their model for the season.  I did their runway; I did television and newspaper work for them.  I love runway.  Runway was my first love but because I think of Pauline and who she was and how she helped me that just became a love as well right along with runway.  If it wasn’t for Pauline I think, if it was just the work, house model and runway, I definitely prefer the runway.

FM:  If a young woman came to you right out of high school seeking advice on a modeling career and told you she wanted to go right into modeling but her parents wanted her to go to college, what would you counsel?

PVM:  I think I’d say go to college of course.  But, it’s something you can do along with college and a lot of young ladies are doing that.  There are the local agencies.  If you don’t want to go professional so to speak, New York City, you can start locally and in that you gain much needed experience.  You can develop your look, your style, how you see yourself as a model, because I have learned it is about your uniqueness and not similarity.  If you can pull yourself out and make yourself a unique model then you are very marketable.  You have to discover what your difference is.

FM:  You decided to privately tutor your son and daughter when they were in grade school.  How did you decide to take this course of action?

PVM:  I just knew the atmosphere for school was not what I wanted.  I wanted to teach and hold an environment that included much more than academics I suppose.  I wanted to teach character and faith and things along that line.

FM:  Looking back do you think it was a good idea?

PVM:  Oh, it was the best idea.  The funny thing is it just came to me and I decided that was what we were going to do and then other things just fell into place.  I had to search for curriculum.  One fell into my lap and they offered every book, every science project, every art supply and computer as well.  That is what we used and when I see how they work, how they study now, I know it was a good thing for us because they need no supervision now.  They are motivated independently and they are honor roll students.

FM:  Do your children gravitate more towards the arts or the sciences?

PVM:  Would you believe my son wants to be an architect and my daughter a chef.  So, there’s a little bit of both in that, art and science.

FM:  You currently are a Personal Shopper at Lord & Taylor in Washington, D.C.  What is a personal shopper?

PVM:  Of course, I offer high standard, high quality service that one expects from Lord & Taylor.  My job is to seek clients who need that kind of personalized attention.   Those are usually people with not a lot of time for shopping yet want to definitely maintain a certain style either for themselves for professional reasons or for casual and evening affairs.  I seek out the client; I get to know them somewhat just by looking at them.  I kind of seek out their comfort zones for fashion.  I don’t want them in something that they would not be comfortable in.  Every now and then I push a little letting them know they can step out somewhat, they would look fabulous in this look or something like that.  I do their shopping for them.

In fact, the way it really is set up, it is by appointment.  The client comes into my office.  We go through different questions, what colors, what do they like, what are they looking for.  They can wait in my office.  I quickly go and select the items out in the store and come back to the private fitting room where they try on the clothes and hopefully find what they like.  That completes and ends their visit.

FM:  Generally, to what degree do clients depend on your guidance?

PVM:  Some quite a lot, some know what they want and need and just need me to bring those items to them.  As I continue I am keeping clients up with trends and colors and styles.  They do rely on me for that.

FM:  Who are your favorite designers?

PVM:  You know I love Donna Karan.  Donna Karan has that sharp style that I love to see women in.  It’s just a fabulous city style.  She tops my list right now, Donna Karan.  I have loved a few of them, Dana Buchman, Ellen Tracy, Rodriguez, Ralph Lauren, a few designers like that.

FM:  When you leave the world of personal shopping and fashion what do you like to do and what do you like to wear?

PVM:  Oh, I love comfort clothes.  I can get into warm fuzzy pajamas, plop myself in front of the “telly” for a good movie or a book and I am comfortable.  With family around me, then I’m comfortable.

FM:  We consider you to be a Fly Mommy.  What do you think makes you a Fly Mommy?

PVM:  I think I am willing to stand on my on, to stand on my difference and to share it with others where it might help.  I love fashion.  I love when I am presenting myself to people to look a certain way.  I hope that will inspire them whatever way that it inspires them to look a certain way, to act on certain things, to have a drive, a motivation to do some of the things that they want to do in life.

Many know Truth Hurts for her debut single, Addictive.  Her second album, Ready Now, on Raphael Saadiq’s Pookie Entertainment label received high critical acclaim.

Shari has two children, Shamari 14 and Justis 2.

Interview with Flaimahmy, January 12, 2010

FM: Most people know you for your hit song “Addictive,” however, many people don’t know you are a great songwriter.  Of all the songs you have written, what is your favorite?

SW:  Probably something you guys have not heard.  Probably my newest song that I am writing right now which is called Stand For Love.

FM:  Is it your song or is it for someone else?

SW:  It’s for me.

FM:  Awesome.

FM:  We know you have been working with Raphael Saadiq and you just said you have a new song.  What do you have coming up?

SM:  My second album was with Raphael Saadiq.  I think we’ll put that back out and put it on ITunes.  I’m getting a lot of feedback from fans that they can’t pick it up and  people really didn’t get to hear it like they wanted to hear it.  That was my second record a few years back.  Besides being a mother, I have a two year old now, I’ve been working on a new LP that I am trying to do for overseas distribution.  It will come back over to the States, of course.  It will be back on this side also but mainly it will be there first.  I can’t tell you too much about that; I’m only four or five songs in deep.  That is definitely going to be an experience.  I’m telling people when I do interviews now that it is going to be an experience, you’re going to get to feel me on this one for sure.

FM:  We know you are a great artist whose music career was caught in the fallout of a copyright lawsuit.  Your career isn’t the first to be tangled in a lawsuit and probably won’t be the last, however, how do you feel about the music industry personally?

SW:  The music industry is truly tricky.  There are so many things that can be said about it.  As long as the music doesn’t get prosecuted in the interim I think  it is a great thing.  I think it is always a great thing to be able to facilitate great music if you can.  It’s sad that there are things that are happening in the music industry where a lot of great music doesn’t get heard and some “b.s.” does get heard but that’s really a sign of the times.  There is not much we can do about that.  Overall, I like to know that there is a way to facilitate great music because I feel life needs music.  Life is not life without great music.  It is what it is, what we go through with the music business aspect.

FM:  Where is your present musical focus?

SW:  My present musical focus is really what we are talking about, to get great music back out there, to give people an experience like the Sade’s, like the Maxwell’s, people who give you an experience like Lauryn Hill did.  It’s so important to give people a feeling, to give people an emotion with music.  That’s my focus and that’s why it’s taking me so long.  A lot of people are like, “What is taking so long, is it coming, is it not, you only had that one hit…look it is important to me to make sure that I make my mark and that I do this for the feeling and for the emotion more than just throwing something out there.  And, when it is important to you, you may not put as many records out as everybody else does.  It’s more about quality than quantity to me.  That’s my focus.

FM: One of my favorite things I have found since starting this magazine is how many of the wonderful people we’ve interviewed are also parents.  I wasn’t even aware that you are a mom.  You said that you have a two year old.  Is this your only child?

SW:  I have two children.  They are very wide spread apart.  I have a fourteen year old and a two year old.  That has slowed me down a little bit in the music game but I’m still on top of it.

FM:  Son and daughter?

SW:  Yes, son and daughter.  The younger is my son.

FM: What is it like being a mother in the music industry?  How do you balance motherhood with your career?

SW:  It’s tough.  It’s definitely tough.  The music business for the  most part is a hustle and you can’t hustle like you usually hustle when you have children especially when you are the mom because we’re the nurturers.  When you have to nurture your baby 24/7 it’s harder to get that music in.  You find a way to do it and to get done what needs to be done.  That’s what I’m finding out now.  It’s busy!

FM:  You performed in St. Louis night clubs at a very early age.  What kind of experience was that for a young girl?  Would you allow your daughter to do the same nowadays?

SW:  My daughter is really not interested, let’s just put that out there.  She is so academic and very into the books which I’m proud of because I was never that.  I was definitely creative at a very young age and getting out there and getting into something creative which was my voice.  If it was her passion I would say yes go for it.  I would support it 100%.  My mother saw from me at a very early age that music was my passion and that performing was my passion.  That is why it was allowed.

No, it is not normal for a young girl to be in the clubs singing at fourteen and fifteen, trying to get the hustle on early.  No, that’s not normal but you know that world was a different place and my parents were behind me.  They were there with me.  It worked… for me.

FM:  How would you advise a young girl coming to you and wanting to perform as you did?

SW:  I would say keep your eyes on your dreams.  Keep all of this in perspective.  Work on and constantly hone in on your craft.  Make it special because there is so much going on out here that there’s not much to separate people.  I think it is important if you do have a craft and the art of singing and performing that you know who it is that you are and what you add to this game if you want to be in the music industry.  Not only that, that you stay focused on what it is that you want to do and don’t let anybody take it away from you.

Stay with the dreams because dreams are the first things that you should have in your life because they keep you driven and they are purposeful.  As long as you have that, I feel like that is everything because that is what God gives you; that’s a gift.  If you can stay focused on who you are in this business I think that is the perfect thing to remember, because people try to take that away from you also.

FM:  Your high school career focused much on opera, do you feel this enhanced your musical ability?

SW:  Absolutely.  In times where I traveled a lot and I would be losing my voice I think my voice held on a little bit better than the average voice because that was my platform and foundation.  I think opera is the best way to enhance your voice.  It allows you to use certain parts of your cords that will help you rest your voice versus actually singing on your cords so harshly.  For example, people who do theater and do six, seven or eight shows a week are fine.  They just keep going through it.  They master the art of using a certain part of your voice that is not so harsh on your cords.

For me, that platform was a great platform to have because I can keep focusing and going back to that when I need to.  If for some reason I am out on the road and start losing my voice or my voice gets tired, opera is a strengthener, definitely.

FM:  You are a writer, singer and producer.  Do you believe women are becoming more influential in the music industry?

SW:  We are but it’s tough.  It’s tough.  It definitely is still in 2010 a male dominated industry.  It still is and it’s tough for us to break through but those of us who have the hustle and the grind in us to get it done, we get it done.  It’s definitely not easy.

FM:  What is your greatest aspiration?

SM:  My greatest aspiration, hah, hah, haaah, you’re getting me with the trick questions now girl!  (Laughter from both).  To be the greatest woman of God I can be, first and foremost; to be the greatest mother I can be, secondly; to be heard as a musician and songwriter, third.  Those are my greatest aspirations.

FM: We know that you are a fly mommy, but in your own words what makes you a fly mommy?

SM:  My strength.  That gives me the capability to bring it all together at the end of the day.  All the things that make you a fly mommy, being a mother and still being able to multi-task and bring all of these things together and make it happen.  I am a single mommy.  That’s the thing you need to ask for me, being a single mommy is the next level.  That’s what makes me hang in there and be the  fly mommy that I think I am.  It is the strength that I have and the endurance.

(Interview with Flaimahmy, December 2, 2009)

FM:  You are the wife of Ambassador Welile Nhlapo, mother of four with all the responsibilities of wife, mother, hostess and representative of your country.  How do you manage it so well?

SN:  I just put my mind on it, on everything that I do.  I just have to support my husband in whatever he does and being the mother of four, three of my kids are not here, there is only one here, I just work to manage it.

FM:  We understand that you teach South African culture through your African Tribal Dolls.  How effective are they as a teaching tool?

SN:  I don’t formally teach but I think the way I present them is a way of teaching.  (Sissy has the dolls, representing the eleven different tribes of South Africa, beautifully displayed in shadow boxes throughout her residence). Also, for example, I teach through the way I wear my traditional attire.  When I wear my traditional attire it is an opportunity to teach people about my culture, the different languages and the different tribes.  Whenever I go to functions and people see me they may ask me about the attire I’m wearing and I’ll say for example, “This is Ndelele.”  It is an indirect way of teaching.

FM:  Do you allow your daughter to play with the dolls?  Has she ever played with them?

SN:  No, I do not allow her to play with them.  She does not play with them.  They are for decor, not for play.

FM:  What do you want Amercians to know about South Africa and South Africans?

SN:  I want Americans to know that South Africa is one of the most beautiful countries in the world with very, very good people.  The culture is very rich.  We have good food.  South Africa also produces very good wine.  We are very proud to be hosting the World Cup, FIFA in 2010.

FM:  You love fashion, you create fashion, you work with South African designer Mandisa Thanda.  Who are some of your other favorite designers?

SN:  I don’t have a specific designer apart from Mandisa.  Whatever I see in the shop I buy if I like it.  I don’t go out of my way to say, “I want to buy a Gucci bag.”    If  it suits me I buy it; I’m not a slave to fashion.

FM:  What do you consider to be your most important role as you travel the world?

SN:  I think it is getting to know people around the world, getting to know how other people live in other countries.

FM:  Do you have a personal philogophy?

SN:  Yes, be yourself and always tell the truth.

FM:  You grew up wanting to be a model.  How difficult is it to become a model in South Africa?

SN:  Presently, it is not difficult but I am forty-four years old and in those days it was very difficult for a black child to be out there in the world and to become a model.  And, for me because I could not travel outside the country I never had a chance to do that.  I grew up in a political environment where modeling was not even one of those options.  I always had this eye for fashion and beauty.

FM:  Who were you most influenced by growing up?

SN:  My mom and I think still she influences me so much.

FM:  In what way?

SN:  She was a very smart woman, very intelligent woman, very ascetic woman, a go-getter like the way I am.  That’s how she brought me up.  She always said, “Be yourself, whatever you want, go for it, don’t even look for any obstacles, always go through those obstacles and get what you want in life.”

FM:  And you have…Laughter

SN:  Yes, I think I do anyway…Laughter

FM:  What do you consider your greatest achievement?

SN:  My greatest achievement was when I was in the military and became an officer.  That was my greatest achievement, working for my government.

FM:  When you were in the military were there a lot of women or were you one of a very few?

SN:  We had a lot of women in the military.  We currently have a lot of women in the military.  Women were generals.  I was an officer.  One of the sacrifices is that I gave up my military career.  Two more courses and I could have become a general.

FM:  In what capacity were you as an officer?

SN:  I worked with three generals, two inspector generals and one sergeant general .  I used to be the PSO, Personal Staff Officer.  In the military it’s called PSO, but it’s a personal assistant.  I served three generals.

FM:  Who do you most admire?

SN:  Myself…Laughter…I think I admire myself.  Every morning I look at myself and I say, “Hey, I think you look beautiful!”  I think so, I admire myself.

FM:  I think that’s wonderful!

FM:  Do you do speaking engagements for young women?

SN:  Nooo…

FM:  You should…absolutely.

SN:  I’m a very shy person.

FM:  That’s ok.  That gives you your wonderful humility and it makes people want to embrace you.

FM:  Who would you love to meet?

SN:  I really don’t know.  I have seen so many important people in my life.  I’ve met President Mandela, President Obama, President Bush, President Clinton…most of the African presidents, I’ve met them.  Honestly, no one at the moment.

FM:  Do you see differences between your daughter’s upbringing here in the United States and your own upbringing?

SN:  Yes, I think my daughter was born with a silver plate.  We always struggled.  There were many in my family.  My mother worked very very hard to have us educated and to give us a better life.  My daughter was born into this; this is what she knows.  She doesn’t know the suffering; unlike me, I know the suffering.

FM:  Do you make a point when you go back to South Africa, or even here, taking her to communities or having her interact with people who are not as fortunate?

SN:  Yes.  When she was about four months old she lived with my in-laws who are not well-to-do.  She lived with them up until she was a year old.  I don’t know if she still remembers that.

FM:  We know motherhood is universally one of the hardest but most rewarding  jobs in the world.  What are some of the daily differences a mother in South Africa would face as compared to here in the United States?

SN:  Basically, I would say the same, bringing up the children, making sure the children go to school to get a better education.  They are well disciplined.  It’s the same.  The way Americans raise their children is the way we raise our children.

FM:  Is there anything specific that you would want our readers to know?

SN:  At the moment I am writing a book.  I haven’t come up with a title yet .  At the moment it is called, “My Story, My Life.”  At the end of December this year it should be out.  That’s one of the things that I am doing and I really feel very good about it.  I’ve been writing this book for the past two years.

FM:  We consider you to be a Fly Mommy.  In your own words, what makes you a Fly Mommy?

SN:  Despite the fact that I live in America I still maintain my originality.  I still listen to the local music and I still watch the movies from my country.  I still speak the language.  Even when I go home people say, “You still speak the same, not as though you live in America.”  I haven’t changed my accent.  I still wear the traditional attires. Wherever I go I stand out and people turn their heads around when they see me.  Above all, I think I am a good mother to my children and a loving wife to my husband.  That’s what makes me a Fly Mom.

(Interview with Flaimahmy November 23, 2009)

Interview with Shayne Walsey, Daughter

FM:  Tell us about your business and how it got started.