Getting back out into the dating scene can be a bit intimidating.  Things have definitely changed;  you are a parent now and your priorities have changed.

Here are some  important tips you should know before you get back out there and start dating again.

1.  Set Rules – Set rules for yourself and know what you want.  Stick to them the best you can.  You are a parent so things are not like before.

2.  Take Things Slow – Do not make the first or second guy the instant boyfriend, start playing house and have him pick up Timmy Jr. from soccer.  It is very okay to be picky and take your time to play the field a bit.

3.  Casual Dating or Serious Relationship – Are you just casually dating or do you want something serious?  My advice is casual date with serious intent.  I am casual dating but open for something more if they could be right for me and my child.

4.  Do not Be Desperate – Have standards and do not be too eager.  I know it’s been a long time and you can easily get lost in the excitement.  Sadly that could mean a lot of dateless nights but it ‘s not really that awful because you are a parent first and a busy one at that.  Be patient.  When the right one comes along you’ll know.

5.  No Need For Kid Introduction – You do not have to introduce your date to your kids.  In fact they do not even have to know.  I keep my dating private and away from my son the best I can.  He is five and does not need to know the details, just that mommy is going out with a friend.  If you have older kids it is then pretty impossible to hide so talk to them about you dating again and help them understand and feel secure.  Let them know they are always first in your life.

6.  Do Not Take the Kids on a Date – You meet a fellow single dad, wonderful.  Then ideas of your kids and his kids playing in the park together on a sunny Sunday seems ideal, but NO!  Not yet at least.  What if the relationship does not work out?  Not only are you crushed but your child could be too.  They have lost a playmate friend and even an adult one if they were really starting to like the guy.  The idea is tempting; trust me.  This slides right into the next thing you should know.

7.  Make Sure He is the One Before Introduction – Make sure he is the one before you introduce him to the kids.  Take time and thought for you are not only dating for you, you are dating for your kids too.

8.  Date According to your Kids – Once again you are dating not only for you, but for your kids too if you are planning for a serious relationship.  Ask yourself  if this person is right for you and your child.

9.  Keep Your Children First – Always make sure your kids are first before the man.  As a parent we always put our needs on the back burner.  Our kids come first.  Don’t get so caught up in the romance that you forget them.

10.  Learn Compromise – While you may have made some rules and standards for yourself, love never plays by the rules.  So compromise sometimes but only if it feels right.

What I never expected was the little green-eyed monster that possessed my son the moment he found out I was dating.  I felt watched, like my son was actually Big Brother.

The few times a date actually progressed to the level of spending time with me and my son, he would turn into Mr. Demando, calling my name every few minutes. Suddenly, my son would need me for this and need me for that.  He would work himself in between my date and I wherever we were sitting.  Countless “Mom, watch!” shouts interrupted conversations.  Suddenly, my own pre-teen son was like an insecure lover.  “Who called you?  Again?!  Where are you going?  When are you going to be home?  Is that what you’re wearing?!”  He would try to tell me what my dating time limits were.

At first I was annoyed and reacted in kind.  Who was this little offspring of mine who thought he could question my private life?  Why was he acting like a little brat?! You’d think he was jealous or someth….ah ha!  He’s JEALOUS!

So I went and did some research. I discovered that it is completely normal for a son to be jealous.  And, what is jealously but categorized FEAR?

To understand his behavior, I tried to look at myself from my son’s perspective.  What my son saw was his nurturer,  provider, kisser of boo-boos and ever-available playmate become distracted, on the phone giggling, on the computer repeating “just a minute” twenty or so times.  He saw her go out dressed in fancy clothes, not shorts and a t-shirt like she used to wear all the time.  He watched her leave at dinner time instead of eat with him and stay gone until after he fell asleep.  Then, he had to meet some guy she brought home and be nice to him, too.  The guy starts spending more and more time with his mom and his mom with him.  Will his mom forget she has a son?  Would this guy take her away from him, too?  I mean, she was mine first!

I began to consider my son’s perspective about my dating life and although I had been trying to keep my dating activities private, I hadn’t been very successful and I decided to limit phone conversations and chatting until after he had gone to sleep or was away from home.

Being an “open and liberal” mother, I also chose to have an age-appropriate conversation with my son about some unavoidable facts:

• I am a single adult woman and I will date single adult men.  I need friends my own age.  When I think he needs to know more, I will tell him.
• Everyone is entitled to privacy, even mothers.   Even though everything is open for discussion, in the end, I am the parent and he is the child and that is that.
• I get two date nights each week.  The rest of the time belongs to my son.
• His opinion is extremely important to me and I will always ask for it and consider it.
• No one will ever, ever come between us.  Ever.
• No one will ever, ever make me love him less.  Ever.

So far, I think it’s working.  The last time I had a date and my son asked me, “Is that what you’re wearing?!” he asked because he thought I should change into something nicer.  He wanted me to dress to impress.  He was right.