While all of these priorities inevitably take away from the time and commitment we are able to give our girl friends, we still need those bonds of sisterhood.  We still need to nurture, cultivate and protect those bonds only women understand.  An occasional girls night out may do the trick, but there are times when it takes a little more time and effort to reinforce those very important bonds of sisterhood.  After all, it is a fact women live longer than their husbands and our children will grow and create families of their own.  Our girlfriends may be all we have left when we need that closeness the most.

One way to ensure those unbreakable bonds stay relevant through the tough times is to take a vacation together.  While most of us typically think of family vacations when we have the time and money to escape, a girl friend vacation is much deserved also.  It doesn’t have to be a two week cruise or a hike across Europe either.  A girl friend vacation can be the perfect reason to spend a weekend somewhere your group of ladies has always talked about visiting.

If you and your girlfriends are spa crazy, book a suite at an exclusive spa resort, sharing the cost between you makes this even more affordable.  Book the treatments that you otherwise would feel are too indulgent.  Spend the weekend relishing in the pampering and the renewal of your bodies and friendship.

Wineries are also ideal for a weekend getaway with the girls.  Walking through the vineyard, sipping samples of your favorite vino will surely get the conversations flowing again between the people who know you inside and out.  You will have the chance to explore varieties of wines you may never have purchased and also learn a lot about the wine making process.  There are usually affordable and picturesque accommodations close to many wineries.

If you and the girls like to take risks and long for something more exciting than chardonnay or Bordeaux, a weekend of gambling may be what you and the girls need to get you bonding again, laughing and chanting lucky mantras while blowing on dice.  If Vegas isn’t doable as a weekend getaway, there are other options. Find a casino resort within a day’s drive and let the chips fall where they may!

Maybe the big city beckons you and your friends.  You can take a bus to the nearest urban jungle and make a weekend out of shopping all of those designer label stores that just are not found in your local mall.  If you do a weekend in the city, consider taking in a show that you have all always wanted to see or splurge on a restaurant you have always heard about but never thought you would have the chance to visit.

Regardless of where you live or what your budget is, you and your girlfriends can find the perfect weekend adventure.  Remember, the more the merrier and the more the cheaper!  Splitting the cost of a luxurious suite or even a modest room in an exclusive hotel will help all of you afford a little vacation.  Even though we women are tempted to schedule and plan each moment of our days, remember the reason you are going in the first place is to relax, rekindle, and rejuvenate cherished bonds.

If I were looking in from the outside, my advice to this woman would be ‘lighten up’ or ‘your baby can adjust’ or something else equally well-meaning but completely unhelpful to this ACM.  The problem is that I’m no longer peaking into someone’s life, but have now become this, so called, All Consumed Mom I so quickly judged just a short year ago.

Now viewing this world from the inside and having become accustomed to such counsel, I’m slowly realizing what it is that so bothers me about these types of comments.  Though usually said with kindness and the deepest of best intentions, they fail to take into consideration one thing and that one thing has them miss-the-boat completely.  I know my son is adjustable and flexible.  I’m aware that my life won’t fall apart completely if he skips his nap.  What I don’t know is the consequence being a mom will have on my life.  I am daily making countless numbers of decisions that entirely affect the well-being and peace of my family. I am having to sacrifice myself, my time, my friends and my family to the urgent needs of this new person.

I’m not sure what the breaking point is, but I do know that, relationally and spiritually, bonds are being stretched to adjust.  How much will they take?  Will they break or will they hold fast?  What happens when I make a wrong judgment call?  Will those bonds be forced to take the extra tension or will I be forgiven?  For some reason, being a mom introduces all kinds of tension that is completely unexplainable to non-parents.

It’s not that I’m a control-freak (though I definitely have those tendencies) or even the first person to experience this.  It just comes down to one simple thing.  Fear.  Fear of what this baby needs and is unable to communicate; fear of what my friends need and are kept from asking; fear of what my husband needs as he is overlooked one more time for someone else.

I know that well-wishers do mean the best when they give consumed moms advice about being “less consumed.”  However, it seems to overlook the fact that the business of a mom is full-time and there are just some jobs that carry the lives and welfare of people as part of their job description.

In the future, when tempted to council your “ACM” friend, take a second and see if that’s really the area in life where she needs your help.  Maybe she does need input on how to best juggle the family schedule, but my guess is that, most likely, she just needs to hear that you’re not judging her, nor is she alone.  Remind her that you’re not going anywhere and that she’s just as important to you as she is to everyone else.

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