A play date is pretty much an agreement between two parents for their kids to play together, meanwhile the adults normally kick back and chat while the kids run around.   Typically the mothers arrange and go on play dates.  Every now and again, fathers get in on the action also.

For some parents, getting to this point with another child and their mother can be a bit of a hurdle.  Not only do you have to worry about your children getting along, you also have to wonder how you’ll get along with the other mother.  There is also the problem of whether or not the other family is fairly close to you geographically.  Unfortunately, that can become a problem.  Most of my friends who have children live clear across town and with gas prices being what they are, we can’t play date nearly as much as we’d like to.

Play dates are far more than just two children playing together.  It is also the chance for adults to talk and to be mentally stimulated.  They can discuss the problems that they are having in the area of parenting and working.  They can lean on each other and offer one another support.  Another important aspect of the play date is the chance of networking.  Quite often one mother will see another mother that they long to get closer to because of something or someone that the other parent has or knows.

One of my closest friends is a woman who had a daughter close in age to my son and after a brief conversation, we agreed to a play date.  Some play dates even grow into large cliques where they watch after and support each other’s children.

There have been times where I’m at the playground in my neighborhood and I’ll look at a mom and think that she looks like someone I could see myself play dating with. The problem then becomes the issue of how I approach the other parent.   I often wonder how the other person will respond.  The more I talk to other parents though (especially parents of single children) the more I find that they’re open to play dates.  Most parents realize how important it is for us to socialize our children so that they play well with each other and to get them ready to one day enter daycare or school.  There is also, of course, the issue of trying to get children more exercise, rather than letting them sit home and watch television all day.

The good thing is that there are many websites for many different cities for mothers looking to meet up for play dates.  I think that I’m going to try one of those sites to help my little pumpkin and I to meet some new friends.  If your child is in daycare already, you can also ask if there is a friend that your child has at school that you could possibly play date with outside of work and class time.  It would give you the chance to see who your child is buddying up with and it would be a good chance to meet that child’s mother.

Despite my shyness, I know that I will eventually meet more mothers to play date with.  My sanity depends on it.

If I were looking in from the outside, my advice to this woman would be ‘lighten up’ or ‘your baby can adjust’ or something else equally well-meaning but completely unhelpful to this ACM.  The problem is that I’m no longer peaking into someone’s life, but have now become this, so called, All Consumed Mom I so quickly judged just a short year ago.

Now viewing this world from the inside and having become accustomed to such counsel, I’m slowly realizing what it is that so bothers me about these types of comments.  Though usually said with kindness and the deepest of best intentions, they fail to take into consideration one thing and that one thing has them miss-the-boat completely.  I know my son is adjustable and flexible.  I’m aware that my life won’t fall apart completely if he skips his nap.  What I don’t know is the consequence being a mom will have on my life.  I am daily making countless numbers of decisions that entirely affect the well-being and peace of my family. I am having to sacrifice myself, my time, my friends and my family to the urgent needs of this new person.

I’m not sure what the breaking point is, but I do know that, relationally and spiritually, bonds are being stretched to adjust.  How much will they take?  Will they break or will they hold fast?  What happens when I make a wrong judgment call?  Will those bonds be forced to take the extra tension or will I be forgiven?  For some reason, being a mom introduces all kinds of tension that is completely unexplainable to non-parents.

It’s not that I’m a control-freak (though I definitely have those tendencies) or even the first person to experience this.  It just comes down to one simple thing.  Fear.  Fear of what this baby needs and is unable to communicate; fear of what my friends need and are kept from asking; fear of what my husband needs as he is overlooked one more time for someone else.

I know that well-wishers do mean the best when they give consumed moms advice about being “less consumed.”  However, it seems to overlook the fact that the business of a mom is full-time and there are just some jobs that carry the lives and welfare of people as part of their job description.

In the future, when tempted to council your “ACM” friend, take a second and see if that’s really the area in life where she needs your help.  Maybe she does need input on how to best juggle the family schedule, but my guess is that, most likely, she just needs to hear that you’re not judging her, nor is she alone.  Remind her that you’re not going anywhere and that she’s just as important to you as she is to everyone else.

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