He was getting out of the shower.  “Mom, can you get my underwear?”  My response?  “Get it yourself I’m not your maid!”  While I was getting myself together, the question darts through the air like a speeding missile to smack me out of my sleepy haze.   After my response, he asks again.  I walk into his room to let him know that at nine years old he can go get his own “darn” drawers.

I grew up in a home where both mother and father worked full time, but mother was also responsible for cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids.  This antiquated thinking that my father had about family ultimately led to the marriage ending.  My mother got tired of my father’s demands, like fresh food everyday, no leftovers allowed and went on strike.  Each went their way and did their own thing.  I was left with the lingering thought that I wouldn’t do the same as my mother.

From the beginning, I’d let my potential partner know that we would share all responsibilities – parenting, cooking, cleaning and working.  As you can probably tell, it didn’t work out that way and now I’m a single mom.  There were many factors involved, but the responsibilities ended up falling on my shoulders.

So now, how do I show my son how not to have sexist views about women?  By teaching him to be self-sufficient and independent.  He has chores to do of all kinds – sweeping, cleaning up his room, washing dishes and more.  You name it he’s probably done it, unless I didn’t think he was old enough.  He’s helped me with cooking dinner, sorting clothes, loading the washing machine, hanging clothes up to dry and anything else I think he can do.

As a single mom, I teach him simply how to be an independent, self-sustaining person.  I teach him about working hard when I go to both the full-time and part-time jobs.  When cleaning his room, he’s learning about keeping his future apartment clean.  When washing dishes or cooking, he learns how to do for himself and someone else instead of the other way around.

As I live and parent, he learns that men and women have the same goals, responsibilities and challenges to deal with.

For starters, let them know you intend to start dating again.  Teenagers understand that their parents have needs. Younger children also understand that mommy needs a “friend” of the opposite sex.  Don’t be afraid to explain to them that you would like to meet someone.  It doesn’t mean that their father is being replaced; it just means you want to make a new friend.  You’d be surprised how open and encouraging kids can be.

Never introduce your children to a new guy in the beginning of a relationship, especially if you plan on dating more than one.  Bringing someone new into the lives of children is hard enough without complicating matters with short-term guys whose names they’ll have to forget.  It’s best to wait until the relationship has legs before the group trip to the zoo.

Although it’s important for him to get along with the kids, allowing a man you’ve been on two dates with to spend time with them, only for him to disappear is tough. Don’t subject them to that.  Teenagers guard themselves from new guys because they know that it might not last, so they don’t invest their time or feelings.

Do not allow your new guy to sleep over.  Late night visits are also discouraged.  Children, especially those who tend to wander at night are not easily fooled.  You can’t convince a child that it’s just a dream.  That does not work so don’t try it.  You will be caught, so keep it from happening.

Don’t behave any way you wouldn’t want your kids to.  Young children are impressionable and young girls mimic their mothers.  If she sees you bringing home several guys in a month, she’ll think she should do it too.  If she sees you representing yourself like Mae West, she will too.   Set the example of respect for your children to follow.

Your children are the most important people in your life so treat them like it.  Their feelings are important, as are their opinions and input.  Talk to them about the progress of the relationship.  Should they be expecting company for dinner?  Will he be coming along to the park?  The kids can be trusted with your feelings and they have to be able to trust you with theirs.

Developing a new relationship can be daunting, but in the long run, if you like him the kids probably will too.  Even if it takes some time, don’t force him on them and don’t force them on him.  They’ll get to know each other on their own terms and you might just end up one big happy family.