The myth of the broken home should have been debunked by now so I had to check twice that I wasn’t reading a 1980s article from Google News Archives when I was searching for statistics on single parents.  I came across the following:  “[Single mothers] are probably responsible for more crime and poverty in this country than any other identifiable group of people.”

The post was dated March 19, 2009.  The more blog posts and news stories I read, the more I realized that most of the myths that have fueled people’s unconscious biases against single women continue to thrive on the internet.

Here are the 10 single-mom myths I most frequently encountered.

Myth # 1.  Single moms cannot give their children the same love and attention as married couples

Reality:  Two is not a magical number of parents.  What fuels this myth is the fantasy that “all children living in nuclear families have two totally engaged parents who lavish their love and attention on all their children, and on each other, in a home free of anger, conflict and recriminations,” says Bella DePaulo, a visiting professor at University of California, Santa Barbara and the author of “Singled Out.”

Nothing could be further from the truth.  Many children in two-parent homes grow up in a negative environment with constant anger, fights and abuse.  There is no magical number of parents, says DePaulo.  “When it comes to kids, love is the answer.  Single parents can give quite a lot of that.”

Myth # 2.  Single moms have less time for the kids

Reality:  Being a single mom requires strategic time management and a lot of effort in balancing family and work.  However, women who divorce sometimes find that they have more time for the kids after the divorce.  When you no longer have to devote time to a marriage, that time can be spent with the kids.

“There is always a way to make time for the things you love,” says Michelle Zink, a single mother to four kids and a successful writer.  Zink works hard every day but she manages to find time to write and spend time with her kids.  “Sometimes my house is a mess and sometimes we have for dinner what we lovingly refer to as “hodge-podge,” which basically means I’ll make the kids whatever they want as long as it’s quick so I can get back to writing,” she says.  However,  her weekends are devoted to the family.  “I run a teen book club through Borders and we meet every other Saturday, but other than that, we’re mostly around the house watching movies or swimming.”

Myth # 3.  Married moms pity single moms

Reality:  Single-mom envy is more common than you might think.  A recent survey by Babytalk Magazine found that 22% of the married women they surveyed feel single women sometimes have it easier when it comes to parenting.  Of these women, 76 percent “liked the idea that they wouldn’t have to fight with a partner over the best way to raise a child,” 69 percent found the thought of not having to work on the marriage, too, appealing and 30 percent thought it would be nice not having to deal with concerned in-laws.

Katie Powalski from “Moms at Work” grants that these are good points.  “I like that no one complains when I leave my sweaty workout clothes on the bathroom floor overnight, or that no one cares when I decide that it’s going to be cereal for dinner (again),” she says.  “On the other hand, even if married women only get an hour’s worth of help from their husbands each week, that’s one hour more than I get.  Do you know how many gossip magazines I could tear through in that hour?  Or, how many people I could follow on twitter?  Or, realistically, how much laundry I could fold?” she adds.

Myth # 4.  Single moms receiving public assistance are welfare broodmares

Reality:  On the August 19, 2008 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio program, which is ranked seventh in overall listeners, Neal Boortz described “single mothers receiving public assistance” as “welfare broodmares” lacking values, morals and ethics.  A broodmare is a female horse kept for breeding.  He cited statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau showing that, in 2006, women in Georgia who received public assistance gave birth at three times the rate of women who didn’t receive public assistance.

Neal Boortz refers to himself as an “equal opportunity offender” but I didn’t realize that he was also a misogynist.   Calling single mothers “welfare broodmares,” besides being an outrageous insult against women, covers up the truths behind the statistics, which is that middle- and upper-income women have better access to contraception and abortion and the privilege of being in a position to put off procreation in favor of education and careers.

And the term “welfare,” when used to refer to the public assistance given to single mothers in the U.S., is a contradiction in terms.   The highest rate of poverty in the U.S. is in families in which the head of household is a single mother.  For nearly three in ten children living in a single-parent household, the family income is less than $15,000 per year.  That’s $1,250 a month.  Where I live that doesn’t even cover the rent for a two-bedroom apartment.

Myth # 5.  Single moms cannot save for retirement or kids’ college

Reality:  Children are expensive.  According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture statistics, two children will cost a single parent between $118,000 and $250,000.  This amount doesn’t include costs of sending your children to college or any other expenses after the age of 18.

It would be a mistake, however, to think that people who didn’t have children will have an additional $250,000 in their bank account by the time they reach mid-life.  Kid-less singles and couples tend to have different life-styles.  As a friend of mine recently said, “It’s expensive to be in a kid-less relationship.  We go out to dinner almost every night.”

A second income doesn’t necessarily add to your savings either.  A second income means increased costs of housing, food, clothing, transportation and health care.  And, people in a two-income family are not completely free to decide what they want to spend money on.  They cannot decide to be frugal if their partner is a spender.

Myth # 6.  Single moms cannot own a home

Reality:  25% of all first-time home buyers are single women.  Single moms are not putting their lives on hold while they wait for Mr. Right.  “Instead, they are taking those big steps like buying homes,” writes Bella DePaulo.  Money need not be an issue.  It’s not about income, it’s about finding the right resources.  For example, the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development offers low-interest loans to people who cannot obtain financial assistance elsewhere and Habitat for Humanity offers to help people build their own home to reduce costs.

Myth # 7.  Single moms are easy

Reality:  A friend of mine, a single mother of three, went on a first date.  She told the guy about her children.  “Wow,” the guy exclaimed and for a moment he looked genuinely impressed.  Then his facial expression changed and his next comment was:  “Are they all from the same father?”   Needless to say, my friend didn’t spend another second on that guy.

Surprisingly, there are still men out there who believe single moms sleep around a lot.  Guess what?  They don’t have the time, even if they wanted to.  And, they don’t fall for younger guys babbling “women my age are so insecure, I love older women, single moms are really cute,” either.  They politely reply, “I totally understand.  I love older men myself, especially single fathers.”  When you are responsible for raising a kid on your own, you find out what really matters.  Men are third on the list after children and work.

Myth # 8.  Dating is harder when you are a single mom

Reality:  Dating is hard. Period.  However, for some men, [single mother = baggage].   How can you minimize the chances of running into a man who thinks kids are a deal breaker?  The answer: online dating.  Online dating gives you a way to sort good apples from bad.  Be up front in your profile about having kids, suggests Genevieve Nicolas Richards from www.SheKnows.com.

Gayle Peterson, a family therapist specializing in family development, further recommends that single moms keep their dating life separate from their family life.  ”Wait until there is a clear commitment to the relationship and potential for marriage before considering deepening the involvement,” she says.

Myth # 9.  Single moms couldn’t make their marriage work

Reality:  “Today many women are becoming ‘single moms by choice,’ believing that their life dream of being a parent shouldn’t be derailed by the absence of a life partner,” says Connie Shapiro, a professor of family studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and the author of “When You’re Not Expecting: An Infertility Survival Guide.”  She reports that Single Mothers by Choice, a 25-year-old support group, accepted twice as many new members in 2005 compared to 1995 and in 2005, one third of the people who used the California Cryobank, the largest sperm bank in the U.S., were single women.

Myth # 10.  Single moms are supermoms

Reality:  Single mothers have the same fears and needs as everyone else.  On top of that, many are still struggling with emotional traumas from a hard break-up, divorce or the loss of a spouse.   Shellee Darnell, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Irvine, California, recommends that single moms develop a network of people who can provide emotional support, baby-sitting and companionship.  ”Single parents with healthy support systems usually feel better mentally and physically and demonstrate to their children that it is OK to ask for help,” she says.

Written by two single moms, Andrea Engber and Leah Klungness, Ph.D., The Complete Single Mother offers first hand tips on how to make your single motherhood journey as smooth as humanly possible.  Throughout the book they answer some of the most complex and difficult questions about single motherhood.  They touch on important issues such as how to handle divorce, creating and maintaining a budget, what to do when your children experience separation anxiety and other issues mothers experience.

One of my favorite sections in the book discusses how to pursue your own goals while managing a household.  This section allowed me to follow my own dream of becoming a writer while raising my then seven year old daughter and two year old son.  There are helpful tips on how to maintain your own personal life without getting lost in the title of “mother.”

Another helpful section focuses on how to deal with household finances.  Chances are you’re not only a single mother, but a working single mother.  With only one income flowing in things tend to get tight…quickly.  This book gives you tips on how to create a budget, cut corners without cutting quality and get the most bang out of your buck.

I found the book helpful.  Life is challenging enough without additional drama.  Many people see single motherhood as unnecessary drama.  They may fault the mother for bringing a child into this world without what they consider to be a stable family.   I know first hand the challenges of being a single mother.   Even if I could, there isn’t a thing I would change about my decision.

While it may be better to some for both parents to be in the household, I feel that it’s the quality of the home that determines the success of ones’ parenting, not the quantity.  Do not feel  shame in being a single mother; you are more appreciated than you know.

You may have become a single mother by chance, by choice or by fate.  We all have underlying insecurities.  After all, “mother” isn’t a title you carry for eighteen years and nine months.  It’s a lifetime commitment.  That in itself is a huge pill to swallow.

The book is encouraging. With a little guidance, some support and the knowledge to back up your decisions you can make your single motherhood journey much more enjoyable.  Now pat yourself on the back!  You’ve done great this far!  Keep going!